Month: November 2005

They enjoyed each other’s company very much and at the end of the evening. Sharon invited Jim to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together. Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Jim’s manhood. Surprised but appreciative, Jim comments, “Surely you can’t be ready for more already?” Sharon replies, “No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had my own.

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Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales began.

The first said, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands.”

The second can’t stand to be bested, “Why that’s nothing. I was out walkin” on the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that critter with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I’m still here today.”

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his dick.

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10. I think Barry Manilow is one cool mother.
9. While I’m up, can I get you a beer?
8. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7. Her tits are just too big.
6. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. That chick on ”Murder, She Wrote” gives me a woody.
4. Sure: I’d love to wear a condom.
3. We haven’t been to the mall for ages; let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse.
2. Hell with Monday Night Football, let’s watch Murphy Brown.
1. I think we’re lost; we better pull over and ask directions.

A man has 27 parts that don’t work for him.

20 nails that don’t nail
1 belly button that doesn’t button
2 tits that don’t milk
1 cock that doesn’t crow
2 balls that don’t bounce
1 ass that doesn’t do any work

So what are you women smiling at? You have a pussy that doesn’t catch mice!

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When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, they took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: “What are these guys in the big suits doing?” One of the astronauts said they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When the son relayed this comment, the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, “Why certainly!” and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder’s comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son to translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon. An official government translator was summoned.

After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message: “WATCH OUT FOR THESE ASSHOLES. THEY HAVE COME TO STEAL YOUR LAND.”

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Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other, “you know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get into the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before going into the house, sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, ease into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”‘, ‘His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you are probably taking the wrong approach. I screeched into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say “You as horny as I am?” and she always acts like she’s sound asleep.

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The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket, went in to apply for the job.

“Ok,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is one and one?”

“Eleven,” Gomer replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.” So he asked, “What two days of the week start with the letter T?”

“Today and tomorrow,” Gomer replied.

The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer he had never considered.

“Now, Gomer, listen carefully: who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

Gomer looked a little surprised, then thought hard for a minute before finally admitting, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don”t you go home and work on that one for a while?”

So Gomer wandered over to the barbershop, where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. “It went great! First day on the job, and I’m already working on a murder case!

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