Month: May 2006

In The Closet

Dave

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman”s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.’, ‘The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That”s nice.”

Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”

Boy – “My dad”s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”

Boy – “$150”
Man – “Sold.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”

Boy – “I have a Wilson infielder”s glove.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy – “$350”
Man – “That”s Highway robbery. Sold.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your gloves, let”s go outside and have a game of catch.” The boy says, “I can”t, I sold my ball and my glove.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” The boy says, “$500″The father says, “That”s terrible to overcharge your friends like that … that is way more than those two things cost. I”m going To take you to church and make you confess your greed.” They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”The priest says, “Don”t start that shit again, you”re in MY closet now.”

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A Boy, A Man & A Donkey

Dave

An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding. The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, “What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.” They then decided they both would walk!’, ‘Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well…Kiss your ass good-bye.

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Daddy’s Gonna Eat Your Fingers

Dave

This one is for all of you who:
a) have kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) know a kid!’, ‘As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said…. “Daddy look at this,” and she stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers!” pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, “What’s wrong, honey?”

She replied, “What happened to my booger?

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