Brooklyn Tony returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father.
The teacher asked ”How much is 2×3,” I said ”6,” replies Tony.
“But that’s right!” says his dad.’, ‘”Yeah, but then she asked me ” How much is 3×2?”” “What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said!”
Theteacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence andyou shoot one of them, how many will be left ?”She calls on Brooklyn Tony.
He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
Theteacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”‘, ‘Then Brooklyn Tony says, “I have a question for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
To which Brooklyn Tony replied, “The correct answer is” the one with the wedding ring on,but I like your thinking.”
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry again. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place……smack his ass again!”
I have a Golden retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn”t because I”d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I”d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.’, ‘I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I”d ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned, from the food. I told her no; it was because I”d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border, take the dirt and raise the levies in New Orleans, and then put the Florida alligators into the border moat!
Any other problems you would like for me to solve?