The Kumachan

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, “Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?”

One dark night outside a small town in Wisconsin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, “All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact.” But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company’s secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.

Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, “What are you going to do with all that money?”

“Vell,” said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, “Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!”

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
SON : “Daddy, may I ask you a question?”
DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?”
SON : “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?”
DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?”
SON : “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”
DAD: “If you must know, I make $100 an hour.”
SON : “Oh! (with his head down).
SON : “Daddy, may I please borrow $50?”
The father was furious.
DAD: “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior.”
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.
DAD: “Are you asleep, son?”
SON : “No daddy, I’m awake”.
DAD: “I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the $50 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON : “Oh, thank you daddy! ”
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.
DAD: “Why do you want more money if you already have some?”
SON : “Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do.
“Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.”

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love?

If we die tomorrow, the company that w e are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.

But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Tom was in his early 50s, retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was five, 10, 15 minutes late. But, he was a good worker and real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called Tom into his office for a talk.

This very special Mi-24 helicopter is presently flying in Afghanistan, where it is no doubt causing quite a stir.

A grade school teacher at Little Johnny’s school asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.” The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinating’.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.” The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.

Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before, but finally decided there was no way he could damage the word ‘fascinate’, so she called on him. Billy said, “My Aunt Gina got a new sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.”

The teacher sat down and cried.

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using sobmuch gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier’s pay while he’s there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved.

Earl and Bubba, two good ole boys from Dixie are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, “I think I’m going to divorce my wife – she hasn’t spoke to me in over 2 months.”

Earl spits, sips his beer and says, “You better think it over – women like that are hard to find.

Today I’m leaving Tokyo, Japan. This was a nice trip to take it easy and catch up with friends. I’m sitting at the Narita airport waiting to catch the plane. I just finished eating at McDonalds. The thing that is crazy about McDonalds here in Japan is that I asked for 1 BBQ sauce to each my french fries with and the lady told me I can’t get a BBQ sauce when I order a burger. This is the 2nd time this happened to me in Japan. So after requesting a BBQ sauce for a couple of minutes, I finally asked her if my wasn’t good at McDonalds. She finally fessed one up. That is definitely some Japanese thinking. They definitely don’t think outside the box and heaven forbid somebody actually likes BBQ sauce with their french fries. Oh well, it has definitely been a good trip and it was very enjoyable seeing how Tokyo has changed. Now just for the long plane ride back to the US.