The Kumachan

Summer’s almost here in Michigan…we can now see the deer moving around. Yep, won’t be long.

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Ohio and had told her that she was going to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Illinois. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a beautiful girl from Michigan. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to provide a summary of the article entitled “Disposition Of Sensitive Automated Information” as the author understands this article. Also included within this document is an explanation of how disk encryption can help to protect the information on that disk in the event it was lost or stolen.

[Content]
The article entitled “Disposition Of Sensitive Automated Information” identifies methods that should be used by businesses, government, and even the military for ensuring their information is safely removed from different types of media. There are three different techniques that are identified in different publications that the article talked about ensuring there is no information or remnants of information remaining on a disk. The three methods are overwriting, degaussing, destruction. Overwriting would consist of using an NSA approved software application, such as BCWipe (Jetico, 2008), to write 1’s and 0’s over a disk seven times to ensure that the information on the disk could not be retrieved. The overwriting method should be used on operations media in an instance where the media may need to be reused again. The degaussing method should be used by an NSA approved degasser and this method will magnetically or electronically destroy a piece of media so that no information can be retrieved. This method should be used on a piece of media that may contain information, but the media itself is non-operational. The final method of destruction provides specifications of how media should be properly disposed of. The article “Disposition Of Sensitive Automated Information” identifies methods that should be used to properly ensure data is unrecoverable from media.

There are instances where data on a form of electronic media needs to be protected in the event that it falls into an unauthorized individuals possession. Disk encryption can help to ensure information is being protected from unauthorized access, however encryption is not the solution, but rather a technique for helping to protect data (TecSec, 2006). By simply encrypting the information on a disk cannot protect that information forever. Time is any type of encryptions’ number one enemy, as it takes time before an encryption algorithm can be cracked. Once the algorithm is cracked then access to the protected information can be gained. One of the best uses of using the disk encryption method for protecting data is when travelling, either domestically or internationally. Another good instance of proper use of this technique is in the event you have to relinquish physical control of a piece of media or when you may not be physically present to ensure that media is secure. The use of encryption to secure physical media will help protect the information on that media in the event the media should fall into the wrong hands.

References
1. Jetico – Products. Retrieved January 25, 2009, from Jetico – Products Web site: http://www.jetico.com/products.htm
2. TecSec, (2006, January). Tactical Military Encryption in a Multinational Environment. Retrieved January 25, 2009, from Tactical Military Encryption in a Multinational Environment Web site: http://www.tecsec.com/library/Tactical_Jan006.pdf

There is an ongoing research study showing that the following photos have been taken to identify major causes of traffic accidents.

I’m applying for a government grant to study this problem further. Wish me luck. “If it only saves one life…”

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine… and those who don’t:

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) – bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop
Wine = Health

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service.

1. Cheese
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito Replies: “Maria likes me, but cheese fat.”
2. Mushroom
When all of my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.
3. Shoulder
My fren wanted to become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder.
4. Texas
My fren always texas me when I’m not home wondering where I’m at!
5. Herpes
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got my piece and she got herpes.
6. July
Ju told me ju were going to that store and july to me! “Julyer!”
7. Rectum
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!
8. Juarez
One day my gramma slapped me and I said, “Juarez your problem?”
9. Chicken
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.
10. Wheelchair
We only have one enchalada left, but don’t worry, wheelchair.
11. Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
12. Harassment
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her, “Honey, harassment nothing to me.”
13. Bishop
My wife fell down the stairs, so I had to pick the bishop.
14. Body wash
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.
15. Green Pink Yellow
When the phone green, I pink it up, and say, “Yellow?”

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1.) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change.
2.) Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
3.) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $40.00
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $42.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1.) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
2.) Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home..
3.) Open a beer and drink it.
4.) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5.) Find jack stands under caravan.
6.) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7.) Place drain pan under engine.
8.) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9.) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10.) Unscrew drain plug.
11.) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
12.) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13.) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14.) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15.) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16.) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among rubbish in wheely bin to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17.) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18.) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
19.) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20.) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21.) Drink beer.
22.) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23.) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24.) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25.) Begin swearing fit.
26.) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27.) Swear for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28.) Beer.
29.) Cleanup hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30.) Beer.
31.) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
32.) Beer.
33.) Lower car from jack stands.
34.) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35.) Beer.
36.) Test drive car.
37.) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38.) Car is impounded.
39.) Call loving wife, make bail.
40.) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2400.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,085.00
But you know the job was done right!