Month: May 2010
Things We Should Probably Know, But Don’t
1. Money isn’t made out of paper, it’s made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a ‘tittle’.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald’s profit come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster’s 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The ‘spot’ on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing the shark’s stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
12. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
13. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.
14. Ketchup was sold in the 1830’s as a medicine.
15. Upper and lower-case letters are named ‘upper’ because in the time when all original print had to be set in letters, the ‘upper case’ letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, ‘lower case’ letters.
16. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
17. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
18. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos..
19. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
20. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, or silver.
21. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa’s lips.
22. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
23. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original ‘Halloween’ was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
24. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
25. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can’t sink in quicksand.
26. The phrase ‘rule of thumb’ is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
27. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
28. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to digest a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It’s the same with apples.
29. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
30. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
31. The “Guinness Book of Records” holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
32. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit is dangerous.
33. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart: “Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she’s behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her off to jail.”
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Motivational Posters #6
The Are Finally Together
Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer. She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later. Judy again, remarried … and this time, she & John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they are finally together.” Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:
“Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?”
Margaret replied:….”I think he means her legs, Ethel..”
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Perspective
Two women are chatting in office
Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?
Woman 2: Yes.
Woman 1: Was it good?
Woman 2: No, it was a disaster… my husband came home, ate his dinner in
three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes,
rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a
romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came
home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We
then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: You wanted sex last night, how was it?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate,
screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn’t paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn’t have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour – and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light f@8%king candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn’t get it up for an hour and then I couldn’t come for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn’t fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!