Month: September 2012

Vote Early and Often

Dave

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~ Jay Leno

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~ Henry Cate, VII

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~ Aesop

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven. ~ Will Rogers

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~ Nikita Khrushchev

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~ Author unknown

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~ John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~ Oscar Ameringer

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~ Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Tex Guinan

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~ Charles de Gaulle

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~ Doug Larson

There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on senators. ~ Will Rogers

Related Posts

Italian Solution

Dave

A Catholic priest, a doctor, a rich businessman , and an Italian Guy from New York were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Italian Guy from New York fumed, ‘What’s with those frickin’ jerks? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’

The doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’

The rich businessman called out, ‘Move it, time is money!’

The Catholic priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!’ said the priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’

The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’ The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’

The doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’

The rich businessman replied, ‘I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!’

The Italian guy from New York said, ‘Why the f*** can’t they play at night?’

Related Posts

Dentist Appointment

Dave

After an excitingly hot 69 position with his girlfriend, Jerry remembered he had a dentist appointment. He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times, used dental floss 8 times & on top of that gargled 1 litre of Listerine.

As he arrived at the dentist he sucked 2 strong mints. His turn came up & the dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed, Jerry opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough & said, “Man, did you do 69 with your girlfriend before you came here?”

“Why?” Jerry asked, “Does my breath smell like pussy?”

“No,” the dentist replied, “but your forehead smells like shit.”

Related Posts