– It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
– We have enough “youth.” How about a fountain of “smart”?
– A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.
– When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
– Learn from your parent’s mistakes — Use birth control.
– Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
– If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
– We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things just get worse. Red meat is not bad for you, fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
– Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
– Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.
– Alabama state motto: At least we’re not Mississippi.
– Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
– The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population and the majority of them don’t know that.
– “I think politicians should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate and union sponsors.”