Tag: people

Dear Abby

Dear Abby, My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but …

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Camp Zama, Japan – Building 101 Ducks

Every year on Camp Zama, Japan in building 101 there is a female duck who temporarily makes a Japanese garden her home while she lays her eggs and raises her babies. It is actually really smart because the Japanese garden is protected on 4 sides, so the only predators that the duck needs to be …

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Hell Explained by a Chemistry Student on an Exam

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is …

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Young King Arthur

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer …

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Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What w as the first thing your husband said to …

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Tequila

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, “What’s with the money in the jar?” “Well…, you pay $10, and …

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Great Conversation Starter

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate, and Sarah. If Mike, Dave, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wildman EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in $20, even …

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Why Are Men Never Depressed?

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.The garage is all yours.Wedding plans take care of themselves.Chocolate is just another snack…You can be President.You can never be pregnant.You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.You can wear NO shirt to a water park.Car mechanics tell you the truth.The …

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Why We Shoot Deer

Why we shoot deer in the wild. (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this) I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. …

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Proof That The World Is Nuts

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense!) In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He …

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Distinction Between Guts and Balls

To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS – is arriving home …

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Amazing Holes

These holes are not only amazing, but some are really terrifying! The sheer scale of these holes reminds you of just how tiny we are. Kimberley Big Hole – South Africa Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds before being closed. Glory …

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Where did Piss Poor Come From?

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery… if you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor.” But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even …

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Why Did Bernie Madoff Go To Prison?

Why did Bernie Madoff go to prison? To make it simple, he talked people into investing with him. Trouble was, he didn’t invest their money. As time rolled on he simply took the money from the new investors to pay off the old investors. Finally there were too many old investors and not enough money …

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Californians

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this: You know you’re from California if… 1. Your coworker has 8-body piercings and none are visible. 2. You make over $300,000 a year and still can’t afford to buy a house 3. You take …

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Paraprosdokian

I had to look up “paraprosdokian.” Here is the definition: “Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.” “Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is a type of paraprosdokian. 1. Do not argue with an idiot. …

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The Fastest Thing

Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the …

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People Should Proof Read What They Print

Chili Cook-off Compliments

**Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. …

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Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES ¬∑ If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. ¬∑ If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Knucklehead and CRAP for Brains. EATING OUT ¬∑ When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will …

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An Airline With a Sense of Humor

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard …

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Questions to Ponder

Can you cry under water? _____ How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? _____ Why do you have to “put your two cents in”…. but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to? _____ Once you’re in heaven, do you …

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For Those Who Don’t Like Heights

Formerly — the Sears Tower Not content with having the tallest building in America , the owners of Willis Tower in Chicago have installed four glass box viewing platforms which stick out of the building 103 floors up. The balconies are suspended 1,353 feet in the air and jut out four feet from the building’s …

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Lesbonics

1 . What do you call a pantry full of lesbians? A. licker cabinet. 2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? A. Klondike . 3.. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? A. Militia Etheridge. 4. Why can’t lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time? A. Because they can’t eat Jenny …

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Ear infection

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what’s wrong–and sometimes it is embarrassing. There’s nothing worse than a doctor’s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I …

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Political Science For Dummies

DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage …

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Clothes Donation

I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to piss off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving!!

Management Challenges

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to describe what types of management challenges can be incurred based upon a scenario of Kucera Clothier‚ introducing a collaboration system into their organization. Also included within this document are methods that can be used to manage change with expectations of other personnel. This document is intended for …

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An Actual Craig’s List Personal AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacke t that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for …

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Problems Incurred When Implementing New Technology

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to describe what types of problems are most likely to be incurred while implementing a technology into an organization, such as the collaboration system into the organization for Kucera Clothiers scenario. Also included within this document are recommendations for how the problems can be resolved. This document is …

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