Category: Humor/Jokes

Being a Great Dad

A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancée to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man. “I am a Torah …

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How to Reason With Teenage Girls

The Italian Funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a …

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Donald J. Trump Works out a Trade Deal with Kim Jong-Un

Donald J. Trump has worked out a new trade deal with Kim Jong-Un that has many Democrats and liberals steaming mad. I wonder if this will be new topic for Hollywood to bash the President of the United States at the 90th Oscars today.

Alcohol is Your Enemy

Smart-ass Answers of 2017

SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. ‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. ‘What are my choices?’ John asked. ‘Yes or no,’ she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she …

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New Store

Two businessmen in a new shopping mall were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop… As yet, the shop wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.  One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what …

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Little Johnny Famous Quotes

A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins. Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?” Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.” “That’s right, Susie, you can go home.” Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?” Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary …

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Meanwhile in Minnesota…

It’s been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this; 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest. 8:20 The gay couple …

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Humorous Taxi Driver Conversations

Incontinent Hotline

Glory Years From Healthy Living

Spend Quality Time Together

Difference Between Armies

Cherish Being a Senior Airman

Name Not Instruction

Save Paper

Bank Calendar

You know you are getting old when your bank sends you their calendar one month at a time.

Washington D.C. Ticket Agent

Please say some stupid things and a Washington D.C. Ticket Agent shares some of the things they have heard. 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!) 2. I got a call from …

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Public Appearance

Memory Gets Any Worse

Forgotten Hotel Room

Don’t Forget Your Password

Which is Blonde?

Click image to find the answer.

My Favorite Excuses

Hillary Clinton’s version of what happened in musical format.

Going to Home Depot

You are in the middle of some home projects: putting in a new fence, painting the porch, planting some flowers and fixing a broken door lock. You are hot and sweaty, covered with dirt, lawn clippings and paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit — shorts with a hole in …

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The Future is Here

Hello…is this Gordon’s Pizza? No sir, it’s Google Pizza. I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry. No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. OK. I would like to order a pizza. Do you want your usual, sir? My usual? You know me? According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times …

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Wine Signs

It’s Been a While…Smile

Texas Signs

Only in Texas will you see signs like these . . .

A Short History Lesson

1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6.Great Bear of Wall Street? These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days…Now, …

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Jewish Cab Driver

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid on the back seat.​ ​The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with …

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Wine For Dinner

Catholic Morning Coffee

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call …

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The Next Generation

In the Hood

Signs you know you are in the hood.

Tale of Two Alligators

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.” “Well,” said the big …

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Life Reminders

The Wedding Night

Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on!, She did and said, ‘These …

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Senior Toons That May Be True

Overturned Golf Cart

While golfing, a handsome senior gentleman accidentally overturned his golf cart late one afternoon. A very attractive, 40ish, female golfer, who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you OK?” “I’m OK, thanks,” he replied, as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart. She said, “Come …

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The American Health Insurance Situation

The medical community is unable to reach consensus on what to do with America’s health insurance situation. The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of …

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The Israeli Quarterback

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European leagues, but he couldn’t find a super athlete who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN …

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Air Force One’s New Ornament

It has been reported that Air Force One had a new ornament installed in support of Donald J. Trump, the President of the United States, who dares to Make America Great Again!

Chin Chin Restaurant

When I was in Las Vegas, Nevada I came across this restaurant. I saw the name and had to laugh because “chin chin” in Japanese means penis. I can’t say that I want to eat here. Who knows what they might serve? Yikes!

The Legless Parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn’t have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, “Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?” The parrot says, “I was born this way.  I’m a defective parrot.” “Holy crap,” the guy replies.  “You actually …

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Signs of the Times

True Courage

Is it fighting a bull without a weapon? Is it flying a fighter in combat? Is it free fall parachuting? Is it bungee jumping? Is it white water rafting? Ah – But ​aare nothing! This, my friend, is true courage: (It’s also the last photo I have of my dog.)

Andrew Garfield Nominated for the Oscars

Andrew Garfield got nominated to the Oscars for Hacksaw Ridge. Looks like Spider-man is going to get an Oscar.

Oscars Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel will host the Oscars which will be interesting because he will make some jokes about the nominees and will have a blast doing so.