Category: Humor/Jokes

Sexual Harassment?

Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can’t stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a …

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Hotel Charges

An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high. “I agree it’s a nice hotel, but …

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South Texas Humor

Late Night Thoughts

Observations

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit’s. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it’s OK. Everyone knows me there. I don’t do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really …

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Why Some Men have Dogs and Not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog’s parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your …

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Sometimes it Pays to Tell the Truth

Jack decided to go ski-ing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could stay the night. “I realize …

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Blonde Men

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?” He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do…it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.” ———————————— A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND.” He spends …

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Getting into Heaven

An Angel visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into Heaven. The woman said she would try her best. The Angel visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on. “Not bad” said the woman, “I’ve given up …

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Being a Great Dad

A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancée to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man. “I am a Torah …

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How to Reason With Teenage Girls

The Italian Funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a …

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Donald J. Trump Works out a Trade Deal with Kim Jong-Un

Donald J. Trump has worked out a new trade deal with Kim Jong-Un that has many Democrats and liberals steaming mad. I wonder if this will be new topic for Hollywood to bash the President of the United States at the 90th Oscars today.

Alcohol is Your Enemy

Smart-ass Answers of 2017

SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. ‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. ‘What are my choices?’ John asked. ‘Yes or no,’ she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she …

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New Store

Two businessmen in a new shopping mall were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop… As yet, the shop wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.  One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what …

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Little Johnny Famous Quotes

A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins. Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?” Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.” “That’s right, Susie, you can go home.” Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?” Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary …

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Meanwhile in Minnesota…

It’s been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this; 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest. 8:20 The gay couple …

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Humorous Taxi Driver Conversations

Incontinent Hotline

Glory Years From Healthy Living

Spend Quality Time Together

Difference Between Armies

Cherish Being a Senior Airman

Name Not Instruction

Save Paper

Bank Calendar

You know you are getting old when your bank sends you their calendar one month at a time.

Washington D.C. Ticket Agent

Please say some stupid things and a Washington D.C. Ticket Agent shares some of the things they have heard. 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!) 2. I got a call from …

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Public Appearance

Memory Gets Any Worse

Forgotten Hotel Room

Don’t Forget Your Password

Which is Blonde?

Click image to find the answer.

My Favorite Excuses

Hillary Clinton’s version of what happened in musical format.

Going to Home Depot

You are in the middle of some home projects: putting in a new fence, painting the porch, planting some flowers and fixing a broken door lock. You are hot and sweaty, covered with dirt, lawn clippings and paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit — shorts with a hole in …

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The Future is Here

Hello…is this Gordon’s Pizza? No sir, it’s Google Pizza. I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry. No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. OK. I would like to order a pizza. Do you want your usual, sir? My usual? You know me? According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times …

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Wine Signs

It’s Been a While…Smile

Texas Signs

Only in Texas will you see signs like these . . .

A Short History Lesson

1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6.Great Bear of Wall Street? These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days…Now, …

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Jewish Cab Driver

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid on the back seat.​ ​The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with …

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Wine For Dinner

Catholic Morning Coffee

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call …

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The Next Generation

In the Hood

Signs you know you are in the hood.

Tale of Two Alligators

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.” “Well,” said the big …

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Life Reminders

The Wedding Night

Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on!, She did and said, ‘These …

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Senior Toons That May Be True

Overturned Golf Cart

While golfing, a handsome senior gentleman accidentally overturned his golf cart late one afternoon. A very attractive, 40ish, female golfer, who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you OK?” “I’m OK, thanks,” he replied, as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart. She said, “Come …

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