Category: Humor/Jokes

It Only Takes 3.25 Inches to Please a Woman

Here is the proof.

Top 8 Idiots Of The Year

1. *AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence. 2. *WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. …

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How Diapers Were Named

Bookseller Market Survey

Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?” The woman replied, “My husband’s check book!!”

Walmart Cash Registers Open

Look at Your Kids and Think

Bring an Umbrella

Not Suitable For Flying

Bag of Air Purchase

Old Technology

True Heartbreak

Some Days I Amaze Myself

Be Like a Caterpillar

Photo Development

You Think I Don’t Know?

Brains Are Awesome

When You’re Old and Still a Party Dude

What in the Fruit?

That’s just banana’s. For the love of breakfast fruit. Why? Oh! Why? This is how you get baby bananas.

Breast Height Check

Getting older stinks and so do these measurements.

Can’t You Ever Relax?

Forgetful Folks Support Group

Pet on a Leash

Teach Children About Taxes

Discovered eBay

Blanket Hog

Organized Crime

Ever Wonder Where the Dollars Have Been?

Corn Maze for Old People

Elderly Running Away

1 Second Acupuncture Treatment

Sympathetic Husband

This guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. There are two sheriff’s deputies there; he asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife. The guy says “sure” and shows …

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Sexual Harassment?

Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can’t stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a …

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Hotel Charges

An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high. “I agree it’s a nice hotel, but …

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South Texas Humor

Late Night Thoughts

Observations

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit’s. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it’s OK. Everyone knows me there. I don’t do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really …

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Why Some Men have Dogs and Not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog’s parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your …

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Sometimes it Pays to Tell the Truth

Jack decided to go ski-ing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could stay the night. “I realize …

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Blonde Men

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?” He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do…it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.” ———————————— A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND.” He spends …

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Getting into Heaven

An Angel visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into Heaven. The woman said she would try her best. The Angel visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on. “Not bad” said the woman, “I’ve given up …

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Being a Great Dad

A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancée to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man. “I am a Torah …

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How to Reason With Teenage Girls

The Italian Funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a …

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Donald J. Trump Works out a Trade Deal with Kim Jong-Un

Donald J. Trump has worked out a new trade deal with Kim Jong-Un that has many Democrats and liberals steaming mad. I wonder if this will be new topic for Hollywood to bash the President of the United States at the 90th Oscars today.

Alcohol is Your Enemy

Smart-ass Answers of 2017

SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. ‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. ‘What are my choices?’ John asked. ‘Yes or no,’ she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she …

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New Store

Two businessmen in a new shopping mall were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop… As yet, the shop wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.  One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what …

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Little Johnny Famous Quotes

A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins. Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?” Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.” “That’s right, Susie, you can go home.” Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?” Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary …

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Meanwhile in Minnesota…

It’s been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this; 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest. 8:20 The gay couple …

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Humorous Taxi Driver Conversations