Category: Humor/Jokes

Humorous Taxi Driver Conversations

Incontinent Hotline

Glory Years From Healthy Living

Spend Quality Time Together

Difference Between Armies

Cherish Being a Senior Airman

Name Not Instruction

Save Paper

Bank Calendar

You know you are getting old when your bank sends you their calendar one month at a time.

Washington D.C. Ticket Agent

Please say some stupid things and a Washington D.C. Ticket Agent shares some of the things they have heard. 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!) 2. I got a call from …

Continue reading

Public Appearance

Memory Gets Any Worse

Forgotten Hotel Room

Don’t Forget Your Password

Which is Blonde?

Click image to find the answer.

My Favorite Excuses

Hillary Clinton’s version of what happened in musical format.

Going to Home Depot

You are in the middle of some home projects: putting in a new fence, painting the porch, planting some flowers and fixing a broken door lock. You are hot and sweaty, covered with dirt, lawn clippings and paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit — shorts with a hole in …

Continue reading

The Future is Here

Hello…is this Gordon’s Pizza? No sir, it’s Google Pizza. I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry. No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. OK. I would like to order a pizza. Do you want your usual, sir? My usual? You know me? According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times …

Continue reading

Wine Signs

It’s Been a While…Smile

Texas Signs

Only in Texas will you see signs like these . . .

A Short History Lesson

1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6.Great Bear of Wall Street? These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days…Now, …

Continue reading

Jewish Cab Driver

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid on the back seat.​ ​The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with …

Continue reading

Wine For Dinner

Catholic Morning Coffee

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call …

Continue reading

The Next Generation

In the Hood

Signs you know you are in the hood.

Tale of Two Alligators

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.” “Well,” said the big …

Continue reading

Life Reminders

The Wedding Night

Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on!, She did and said, ‘These …

Continue reading

Senior Toons That May Be True

Overturned Golf Cart

While golfing, a handsome senior gentleman accidentally overturned his golf cart late one afternoon. A very attractive, 40ish, female golfer, who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you OK?” “I’m OK, thanks,” he replied, as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart. She said, “Come …

Continue reading

The American Health Insurance Situation

The medical community is unable to reach consensus on what to do with America’s health insurance situation. The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of …

Continue reading

The Israeli Quarterback

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European leagues, but he couldn’t find a super athlete who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN …

Continue reading

Air Force One’s New Ornament

It has been reported that Air Force One had a new ornament installed in support of Donald J. Trump, the President of the United States, who dares to Make America Great Again!

Chin Chin Restaurant

When I was in Las Vegas, Nevada I came across this restaurant. I saw the name and had to laugh because “chin chin” in Japanese means penis. I can’t say that I want to eat here. Who knows what they might serve? Yikes!

The Legless Parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn’t have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, “Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?” The parrot says, “I was born this way.  I’m a defective parrot.” “Holy crap,” the guy replies.  “You actually …

Continue reading

Signs of the Times

True Courage

Is it fighting a bull without a weapon? Is it flying a fighter in combat? Is it free fall parachuting? Is it bungee jumping? Is it white water rafting? Ah – But ​aare nothing! This, my friend, is true courage: (It’s also the last photo I have of my dog.)

Andrew Garfield Nominated for the Oscars

Andrew Garfield got nominated to the Oscars for Hacksaw Ridge. Looks like Spider-man is going to get an Oscar.

Oscars Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel will host the Oscars which will be interesting because he will make some jokes about the nominees and will have a blast doing so.

Oscars change up

Due to the small spacing of the Oscars last year, there are going to be a more bigger and a tarp that is going to be implemented in this years’ Oscars Red Carpet.

2017 Academy Awards Insider Information

If you would like to know some of the results and happenings of the 89th Academy Awards (keep reading) – The Artist won best motion picture – Octavius Spencer won for the movie The Help (Hollywood giving an award to a black woman from their whitest Oscars ever mistake) – Jean Dujardin won best actor …

Continue reading

Points to Ponder

Irish Ghost Story

John Bradford, Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on​ ​​​a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he​ ​could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.​ ​Suddenly, he saw a car …

Continue reading

Confucius Says

Confucius Say: It’s OK to let a fool kiss you; but don’t let a kiss fool you. Confucius Say: A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise. Confucius Say: It is better to lose a lover than love a loser. Confucius Say: A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. Confucius Say: Marriage …

Continue reading

Five Undeniable Facts

1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it. 2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes. 3. Having a cold drink on …

Continue reading

Funny Aging Comics

Funny Signs

A sign in a shoe repair store in Vancouver that read: “We will heel you. We will save your sole. We will even dye for you.” Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”; In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”; On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels At an …

Continue reading

Bob and the Blonde

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. …

Continue reading