Category: Humor/Jokes

Little Bruce

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and …

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Golf Lessons

A foursome of guys are waiting at the men’s tee while a foursome of women are hitting from the ladies’ tee. The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another …

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Maxine on the Economy

Marriage (written by kids)

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10 -No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to …

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Irate Airline Passenger

A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said:-“I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.” The agent replied: “I’m sorry, …

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Two Irish Moose Hunters

Paddy and Mick arrived in Quebec for a moose hunting trip and hired a private pilot to fly them deep into the Canadian wilderness. After many mishaps and adventures, by the end of the trip they had managed to bag a moose each. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said he …

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Stay!

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the┬álocal shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my …

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The Correct Way to Weigh Yourself

No Need For Google

Survival Skills

Yoga

Say Nothing

Fail: Hiding From Bath

If I can’t see you, then you can’t see me.

Self Perception

To Mom and Dad

Opinion?

Little Horse

Baby’s Best Friend

Weight Loss Hotline

Virgins Awaiting Muslims

Gardening

Amazing Feeling

Teenagers: Act Now!

Bed Space

Old Doberman

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old Doberman thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in it now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on …

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Just Get In

Worry Birds

Jehovah’s Witness

Highway to Hell

Real Estate Prices Bouncing Back

Snoring Cure

Al Qaeda Pin Up Girl

Stubbornness

Shooting at Me

A Touching Moment…

This letter was sent to the Broken Hill High School Principal’s office in Broken Hill, Australia after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. …

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Breakfast in Bed

Out of patience

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the train”. “Yes, I know it’s the …

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Reading

Those Sneaky Marines

Look closely … Keep looking! See it now? You have got to love the Marines.

Best Part of My Job

Children are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’ GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’ TEACHER: No, that’s wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but …

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Vegetarian

British Humor is Different

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, …

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Canadian Waterskiing

Did You Know?

1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes. 2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there’s a 50% chance you’ll die within the next 3 years. 3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There’s a 9% …

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Any Drugs?

They walk among us!

1.They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became …

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Having a Bad Day?

How’s Your day Going? Hope it’s way better than these people experienced…….Yikes!

How to Call the Police When You’re Old

Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed …

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The Real Laws

1.Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee. 2.Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3.Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly …

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