Category: Politics

Speaking German in Texas

In Texas, there is a town named Fredericksburg, where there is a large German-speaking population. One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher’s stock pond. The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: “Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe …

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Book Report

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, ‘Titanic’ and ‘My Life’ by Bill Clinton. One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report. Titanic : Cost – $29.99 Clinton : Cost – $29.99 …

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You Could Have Heard a Pin Drop

Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60’s when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. Rusk responded, “Does that include those who are buried here?” DeGaulle did not respond. You could have heard a pin drop. …

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Putin’s Speech on Feb. 04, 2013

This is one time our elected leaders should pay attention to the advice of Vladimir Putin…. how scary is that? On February 4th, 2013, Vladimir Putin, the Russian president, addressed the Duma (Russian Parliament) and gave a speech about the tensions with minorities in Russia: “In Russia live Russians. Any minority, from anywhere, if it …

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Eternal Life

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish. The guy thinks for a moment and says, “I want to live forever.” “Sorry,” said …

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British Papers Show No Mercy For President Obama

Jesus and the Democrat

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him. The next patron to …

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Fiscal Debt

Signs

Vote Early and Often

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~ Jay Leno The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~ Henry Cate, VII We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~ Aesop If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these …

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Holland Michigan

Traveled over to Holland, Michigan today and took some photos of the windmill and the interesting things there, here are my photos of that experience. Many people may not know it, but one of the working windmills was taken apart from Holland in the Netherlands and shipped to Holland, Michigan in the United States where …

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Homeland Security: Grocery Store

There was a bit of confusion at the Local Jay C grocery store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.” Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical …

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Dear Abby

Dear Abby, My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but …

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2012 Social Security Stimulus Package

Just wanted to let you know – today I received my 2012 Social Security Stimulus Package. It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix, a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my ass, 2 discount coupons to KFC, an “Obama Hope & Change” bumper sticker, and a “Blame it on Bush” poster for the …

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Blue Cross or Obama Care

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure, a beautiful nurse comes into his room, takes his vitals, then tells him to take off all of his clothes. When he is fully undressed, she instructs him to lie down on a table. The man obeys. The nurse then removes all of …

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Keeping You up to Date

Playboy magazine reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue. Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic. In other news… we all remember when KFC offered a “Hillary” meal, consisting of two small breasts and two large thighs. Now KFC is offering the “Obama Cabinet Bucket.” It consists of nothing, …

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2-2-2012

In 2012 both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day. This is an ironic juxtaposition of events. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication. The other involves a groundhog.

Finally, a Useful Obama Product

First came the commemorative coins, then the T-shirts, and then the plates! Now, something for the rest of us…Use sparingly…I find that it irritates my ass!

Amazing Holes

These holes are not only amazing, but some are really terrifying! The sheer scale of these holes reminds you of just how tiny we are. Kimberley Big Hole – South Africa Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds before being closed. Glory …

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Barack Obama Bingo

Rules for Bullshit Bingo: 1. Before Barrack Obama’s next televised speech, print your “Bullshit Bingo” 2. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases. 3. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout “BULLSHIT!

How to Save the Airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell — They don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, …

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USMC Best Joke of the Year

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the …

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Our Future Generation

Ideal Man For The Job

This guy would make an ideal politician and probably do a better job than any we have today. I hope he runs in 2012. At least he has what is needed in Washington …….

They Sent My Census Form Back

In answer to the question, ‘Do you have any dependents?’, I put … ’12 million illegal immigrants, crack heads, unemployable bastards, the cast of The Jerry Springer Show, 140,000 people in our 133 penal establishments in California, leftovers from Katrina, half of Mexico, much of the Congress & staff, most of the Senate and a …

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Why Did Bernie Madoff Go To Prison?

Why did Bernie Madoff go to prison? To make it simple, he talked people into investing with him. Trouble was, he didn’t invest their money. As time rolled on he simply took the money from the new investors to pay off the old investors. Finally there were too many old investors and not enough money …

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Virginia Earth Quake Fault line

Just released by the White House Press Corp – Today, President Barack Obama re-named the fault line in Virginia where the recent earth quake struck, Bush’s Fault. No other details were given.

American History

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said, ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodiaki a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: ‘Patrick Henry, 1775’he said. ‘Very good!’ Who said, ‘Government of the People, by …

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Bumper Sticker

If you voted for Obama in 2008 to prove you’re not a racist, vote for someone else in 2012 to prove you’re not an idiot.

Sequoyah Birthplace Museum

Today I went to the Sequoyah birthplace museum near Vonore, Tennessee. This was a very interesting museum because it talked about Sequoyah and the Cherokee Indians. In the museum they talked about the Trail of Tears which relocated the Cherokee indians from Tennessee to Oklahoma. There was all sorts of artifacts and information. Here are …

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White House Situation Room

California vs Texas: What To Do About An Attack By A Wild Coyote

California: The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor. 1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural. 2. …

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A Good Catholic Joke

The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a …

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Confusion

Well, Obama recently signed the bill that allows gays to serve openly in the Military, No more don’t ask don’t tell. But what has he really done causes more confusion in the ranks. This is what now can happen. So for the moment, imagine……………….. You’re in a combat situation, the enemy is firing at you, …

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A Dog’s Intuition

Have you ever heard that a dog ‘knows’ when an earthquake is about to hit? Have you ever heard that a dog can ‘sense’ when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away? Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at …

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Casa D’Ice Restaurant Signs

Casa D’Ice Restaurant is just 10 miles southeast of Pittsburgh in North Versailles, PA ). The owner changes the signs whenever he gets another idea…Or just wants to make a [political] statement and WOW! The only problem? He uses some pretty foul language to make his points.

Fairy Tale

Top Secret

TOP SECRET This was sent to me by an associate in the surveillance field. I am sharing it with friends and family on a need to know basis. I can not vouch for its validity. SECURITY PHOTO: CONFIDENTIAL The photo is a video capture from a security camera located in the North Corridor that leads …

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Mexican Boarder Wall Problem Solved

Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border, take the dirt and raise the levies in New Orleans, and then put the Florida alligators into the border moat! Any other problems you would like for me to solve?

Big Island Hawaii – Creepy Photo

Normally I wouldn’t think very much of photos like these, however in this instance I actually know the person who took the photo. He said he was on the Big Island of Hawaii and went to visit relative’s grave site. While he was there he took this photo of an unknown person’s grave. When you …

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G.W. Bush Intelligence

After numerous rounds of “We don”t know if Osama is still alive,” Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H Bush was baffled, so …

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Old Cow

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road in New York State one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t – the aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain …

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4th Graders

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. Little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an exotic dancer in a …

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Classic Schwartzkopf Quote

In a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His answer was classic Schwartzkopf. The General said, I believe that forgiving them is God’s function. Our job is to arrange …

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President Bush’s Inaugural Speech Summary

This document will cover the key points of the 2005 presidential inaugural speech that was given by George W. Bush in January 2005. Within the Presidential speech you may or may not have heard key points that were a bit confusing. This document will try to mitigate any confusion by spelling it out in plain …

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Want to work here?

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spousal abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses 3 have done time …

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