Decoding

*DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:*
****
* 40-ish…………………………….49.
* Adventurous……………………..Slept with everyone.
* Athletic…………………………..No breasts.
* Average looking…………………Moooo.
* Beautiful…………………………Pathological liar.
* Emotionally Secure………………On medication.
* Feminist………………………….Fat.
* Free Spirit………………………..Junkie.
* Friendship first…………………..Former Slut.
* New-Age…………………………Body hair in the wrong places.
* Old-fashioned……………………No B.J.’s
* Open-minded…………………….Desperate.
* Outgoing…………………………Loud and embarrassing.
* Professional………………………Bitch.
* Voluptuous………………………Very fat.
* Large frame………………………Hugely fat.
* Wants soul mate…………………Stalker.

*DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S ENGLISH: *

* Yes……………………………….No
* No………………………………..Yes
* Maybe……………………………No
* We need………………………….I want
* I am sorry………………………..You’ll be sorry
* We need to talk………………….You’re in trouble
* Sure, go ahead……………………You better not
* Do what you want……………….You will pay for this later
* I am not upset……………………Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You’re attentive tonight…………Is sex all you ever think about?
**
*DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN’S ENGLISH:*

* I am hungry……… ………………I am hungry
* I am sleepy……………………….I am sleepy
* I am tired…………………………I am tired
* Nice dress…………………………Nice cleavage!
* I love you…………………………Let’s have sex now
* I am bored………………………..Do you want to have sex?
* May I have this dance?………………I’d like to have sex with you.
* Can I call you sometime?…………..I’d like to have sex with you.
* Do you want to go to a movie?……I’d like to have sex with you.
* Can I take you out to dinner?……..I’d like to have sex with you.
* I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit…………..I’m gay.

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