How to be Cruel to Old Guys!

Lil’ ole lady

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?’

The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’

The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’

‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’

The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’

The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.

Motivational Posters #2


Here are some more motivational posters. Some may be duplicate images with different messages…entertaining none the less.

Mowing & Beer

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung.!”

I took a drink from my can of Miller Lite, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, “I am, that’s why she cuts the grass.”

Redneck Fire Alarm

Rye Bread

Two old guys, one 70 and one 77, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 77 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.

The 70 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 77 year old said “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So, on the way home, the 70 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you have any rye bread?” She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”

He said, “I want 5 loaves.”

She said, “My goodness, 5 loaves, by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it’ll be hard”

He replied, “I can’t believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me.”

Choosing a Wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her. Then he married the one with the biggest tits. Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Halloween Moon

halloween_moon

Polar Bear Attack in Canada

These are pictures of an actual polar bear attack of a hiker above Mosinee, Canada, last summer. These pictures were taken while people watched and could do nothing to stop the attack. Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim should make a full recovery.

2008 Halloween Costume

hooters_girl_retired
Hooters Girl Retired

Getting Older

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple”s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”

The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”

The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… the one that”s red and has thorns.”

“Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes, that”s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what”s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

Cajun Math

A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test. Here is your first question, the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.” “Without numbers?” The Cajun says, “Dat is easy.” And proceeds to draw three trees.


“What’s this?” the boss asks “Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,” says the Cajun.

“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.” The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. ; “Ere you go.”


The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?” “Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.”

The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.” The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Ere you go. One hundred.”

The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!” The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, “A little dog come along and poop by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred.” The Cajun is the new supervisor.

Morals

I was a very happy man.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two and gorgeous. One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.

She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Low and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

Interesting Cars

Yesterday I drove to Narita airport and after I parked my car I happened to notice a couple interesting cars in the parking lot, so I had to take a couple photos. The yellow car is called a smart car. It looks extremely small and compact. I think you may fit one comfortably and a briefcase. This car is in Japan, so maybe you could fit two Japanese people comfortably. The 2nd car, I have no idea what kind of car it is, but I thought the rear window was unique. The overall shape of the car was pretty unique.

Photos of Drive Between Sagami-ono to Narita, Japan

Took a drive from Sagami-ono to Narita airport in Japan. Here are some photos I took along the way and also some neat cars I saw at the Narita airport.

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Bacon Grease Warning, Please Read!


The question is: Do you use bacon grease?
We were raised on bacon grease (lard) as kids and even into adulthood. I will never use it again. I hope you will throw yours away whenever you fry bacon from now on. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.

Cooking With Bacon Grease
I just threw out my last 2 tbsp of bacon grease! This is what happens when you keep cooking with bacon grease. This is a warning. It could happen to you…

Bacon grease will make your feet small! Warn everyone!

Network Testing Programs

[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to explain different types of testing programs that can be used to identify network latency issues when planning a network upgrade. Also included within this document are naming conventions for networking devices and hosts. Lastly this document will outline and explain different types of equipment and their roles as they pertain to network security based upon a provided scenario.

[Introduction and background]
Mr. Smith is the Director of IT at a law firm located in downtown Chicago. He needs to plan for a network upgrade. He has decided that he would like to have a network analysis done before the upgrade so that he can find out which systems would require upgrades and to create a strategy to present to the senior partners that will include return on investment.

The law offices occupy four floors of a high-rise building. The customer is experiencing network latency, especially in the Accounting department and in Human Resources, which both reside on the 32nd floor. The director of the Accounting department has expressed concerns about the security of his files. The Research, IT, and Corporate Administration departments all share the 33rd floor. The senior and junior partners and their support staff occupy the 35th floor, and the 36th floor is used for reception and conference rooms. The firm has decided that video conferencing is an essential component of its business and is looking to implement video conferencing as soon as possible so it can communicate with two new satellite offices that will be occupied in six months.

The firm has one network segment for each floor, but has been experiencing latency. Each floor except the 36th has 10 to 20 printers. Each floor has a 100Mb uplink to the Data Center on the 33rd floor. There are approximately 50 PCs on the 36th floor, 150 PCs on the 35th floor, and 40 PCs on both the 32nd and 33rd floors. The servers for each department reside on their respective floors. Mr. Smith is concerned about network security and wants a recommendation to secure traffic of three specific departments: Human Resources, Accounting, and Corporate Administration.

[Recommended testing program (Prototype or Pilot)]
When testing a network to get a complete understanding of issues the network may be having there is no silver bullet application, but rather a combination of applications that have specific functions. The first thing that is a major concern with understanding possible issues that are happening on a network is possible bottlenecks or bandwidth limitations as they pertain to network performance. One application that performs a secure real-time network monitoring is called “nettest (Agarwal, Boverhof, Jackson).” This open-source application designed to run on Linux platform and it incorporates a few different frameworks to conduct a series of tests as they pertain to network performance. This application is designed to work between a couple different hosts on a network so prior to using it; authorization must be attained in order to install the application between hosts. Once the performance testing is complete, it is important to know what is being sent accrossed the network. To determine what is being sent accrossed a network a packet sniffer can be used. A good useful free network packet sniffer is called “Wireshark (Sharpe, Warnicke, 2008).” Wireshark allows to packets to be captured and dumped into a file where they can be analyzed at a later point in time or for somebody with fast eyes they can analyze the packets in real-time. For both types of tests, it is recommended to perform the tests over a period of time such as over a 24-hour period. This will help to understand the demands placed on the network during peak hours as well as non-peak hours of operation. The use of multiple programs to analyze network performance and breakdown of the types of network traffic will help to identify any issues.

[Naming Structure]
When naming network devices it is important to give a device a name that can identify whom the device serves and the devices location. To identify whom the device serves there is not enough space within the devices name space to allow for complete names, so abbreviations are going to have to be used (Morris, 2008). For example the human resources department has a 3 letter designator HUM, accounting ACC, administration ADM, sales SAL, information technology INF, shipping SHI, corporate COR, and so on. To identify a devices location a building number, floor number, and room number can be used. Finally if it is desired a device can be identified by the device and if it is an internal or external device by using the identifiers SW for switch, R for router, B for bridge, W for workstation, or SE for server. When all of these abbreviations are put together a possible name for a device can look like this: ACC-115-32-J-SWI. This methodology tells somebody that this device is found in the accounting department of building 115, located on the 32nd floor in room J, and it is an internal switch. Following naming structure helps identify devices, their functions, and where they are located.

[Adequacy of security for the data in each department]
No matter which company, which organization, or which department somebody works for; there is always a need to keep data secure. Even though people work for the same company doesn’t mean they need access to the same data. One method to keep different departments from accessing each other’s data is by logically separating the network via the use of virtual LANS otherwise known as VLANs. Using VLANs keeps each department segmented so that only personnel within a particular department can access only that department’s data. Another way to keep data secured is for data that is stored in a centralized location, like a file server, is by the use of file permissions. Personnel without the correct permissions will not be able to access a particular file. It is also important to ensure data is being transported securely acrossed a network. To ensure data is being transmitted securely on the network, IPSec can be used. IPSec encrypts packets of information so that it can reach the intended destination securely. Finally it is important to ensure no outside access is allowed on the network. To prevent unauthorized access to a network, a firewall can be used. A network firewall inspects every packet it receives by checking the source and destination of each packet, and then it checks an access control list (ACL) to verify access is allowed before the packet is forwarded onto the destination.

[Functions of each network device]
Different networking devices function at different layers of the OSI model and therefore each can do their own part in ensuring a network is secure. Starting at the lowest level of the OSI model and working toward the top we can see what each device does and what added security it can provide. Physical security plays an important part of ensuring the physical connectivity is secured within a controlled area. Switches function at the data-link layer of the OSI model and their responsibility is to transport data quickly and efficiently. Switches also provide network security by allowing a network to be segmented into different VLANs. Routers function at the network layer of the OSI model and their function are to transport data from one network to another. Routers can provide a little security by providing an ACL to ensure network traffic from one network is authorized to access another network. Network firewalls also function at the network layer and their main purpose is to ensure both that traffic is authorized from one network segment to another, but also a firewall blocks any unused network ports from being accessed. Networked servers can function at the session, presentation, and application layers of the OSI model. A properly configured network server can provide security be ensuring packets are encrypted, authorized users are allowed to access a network by authenticating users, and files are secured with the correct file permissions. Each device on a network plays it own role to ensuring access to a network is authorized and data within the network is secured.

[How needs of key departments change with the network design]
Even though different departments work for the same company their specific needs may influence the design of a network. The most obvious specific need for a department is the amount of users the department has. Since the senior and junior staff of the law firm occupies the 35th floor with 150 different computers, they may have a higher demand for bandwidth than the accounting and human resources departments, which occupy the 32nd and 33rd floors with only 40 computers. The IT and research departments may both have specific needs of having the need to put their own networking devices on the network to allow for them to create a test network. The corporate department may want to use voice over IP services and therefore have a specific need of having a voice VLAN configured on their networking devices. No matter what the specific need of a department is, a good network design must incorporate all of the departments needs for both today and into the future.

[Conclusion]
In conclusion, to best identify issues pertaining to the law firm’s network a couple different tools should be used to both identify any possible bandwidth issues or issues pertaining to the types of traffic being passed along the network. Different departments within the law firm have different needs and therefore each network segment should be designed to accommodate each department’s needs. The company’s current network security is inadequate, so network security should be implemented at multiple layers of the OSI model to ensure all communications and data is secure. Each device within the network topology can play a specific role to ensuring the network is secure.

[References]
1. Agarwal, Boverhof, Jackson, Deb, Joshua, and Keith Nettest: Secure Network Testing and Monitoring. Retrieved September 27, 2008, from Nettest: Secure Network Testing and Monitoring Web site: http://acs.lbl.gov/~boverhof/nettest.html
2. Sharpe, Warnicke, Richard, Ed (2008). Wireshark: Go deep. Retrieved September 27, 2008, from Wireshark: Go deep. Web site: http://www.wireshark.org
Morris, Michael (2008, January 10th). Naming Conventions | NetworkWorld.com Community. Retrieved September 27, 2008, from Naming Conventions | NetworkWorld.com Community Web site: http://www.networkworld.com/community/node/23721

Motivational Posters #1

Frisbee dog

Moments When It’s O.K. to Say, “Oh Shit!”

Menopause Jewelry

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass.

Who Said China is Polluted?

He Wore His Collar Backwards

A little boy got on the city bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”
The little boy replied, “My Dad doesn’t wear his collar like that.”
The priest looked up from his book and answered, “I am the Father of many.”
The boy said‚ “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.”
The priest, getting impatient, said‚ “I am the Father of hundreds” and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should use a condom and wear your pants backwards Instead of your collar.”

Routing Protocols

[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to explain different routing protocols by using them within a scenario of being charged to reconfigure a company’s network. In the past static routes have been used and, for the scenario, I would like to ease the configuration of routing information. I am concerned about processor utilization if dynamic routing protocols are used. Also the reduction of network utilization by routing protocols is desired, as well as, ensuring the shortest path is the path taken all while preventing routing loops.
[Introduction and background]
I have been charged with the task of reconfiguring my company’s network which has grown considerably over the past year. Previously static routes have been used, but I do not wish to maintain the static routing tables since the network has grown. I would rather use a dynamic routing protocol to cause me the least amount of administrative work as possible, however I do have some major concerns. I would like to automate the updating of router table information, but I do not want this to put a major burden on my networking devices processor, memory, and I do not want this automation to place a burden on my network bandwidth. I also wish to ensure packets are being sent along the truest shortest path and in the process, avoid causing any routing loops. Finally I would like to ensure I have redundant links, so that in the event of a failure traffic will still be able to be passed via the shortest path. I am going to draw a conclusion about which dynamic routing protocol will best suite my needs by thoroughly assessing the different types of dynamic routing protocols based upon my requirements.
[Comparison of routing protocols: memory, processor, and network bandwidth usage]
There are different link-state routing protocols and it is important to know each one. Open Shortest Path First (OSPF) is a link-state routing protocol that utilizes route tables, topological databases, and the shortest path first algorithm to determine the most ideal path to send data along. OSPF uses only the destination address of a packet to determine the best route. Because OSPF maintains routing tables and topological databases it can quickly determine if a link should happen to go down and therefore reduces the processor and bandwidth overhead needed for passing routing information. OSPF maintains neighboring relationships between routers in which “hello packets” are exchanged during a handshaking by each router. This handshaking is when routers will send any updates to their routing table. Another link-state routing protocol is the Intermediate System to Intermediate System (IS-IS) routing protocol. The IS-IS routing protocol is similar to OSPF, however it is an interior gateway protocol. This means that it does not route information to external autonomous systems, and therefore relies on an exterior gateway protocol to talk between different autonomous systems (Martey, 2002). The IS-IS protocol is also not an Internet standard and also is not as widely used as OSPF. The IS-IS protocol functions at the networking layer of the OSI model, which is at the same layer as IP traffic, but it does not use IP to carry routing information messages. OSPF, on the other hand, functions at the networking layer, but it functions on top of IP allowing it to use the Internet Protocol to carry routing information messages. OSPF and IS-IS are routing protocols that are similar, however OSPF is the most widely used routing protocol and it can function on top of the Internet Protocol.
There are different distance-vector routing protocols and it is important to know about each one. The routing information protocol (RIP) is a distance vector protocol which uses hop-count as a routing metric and it relies on information from other routers to attempt to determine the best routing path. RIP allows for a 15 maximum hop count and it sends complete routing table updates to other routers every 30 seconds. Cisco has developed a proprietary distance-vector routing protocol called “Interior Gateway Routing Protocol (IGRP).” This routing protocol uses the distance-vector algorithm with the conjunction of four elements, bandwidth, delay, load, and reliability, to determine the best path for routing packets. IGRP sends routing information to other routers on the network every 90 seconds and can become both a burden on network bandwidth and processor utilization as it is updating routing information in 90 second intervals. Although, IGRP is better than RIP, it too can use some improvement. Enhanced Interior Gateway Routing Protocol (EIGRP) is a Cisco proprietary protocol, however it is not the same as IGRP. EIGRP is a balanced network protocol that uses a hybrid of both the link-state and distance vector routing algorithms. This has many benefits as it provides an equal-cost load balancing, incremental routing updates, and formal neighbor relationships (Lammel, Barkl, 2003). EIGRP is similar to IGRP as it uses the same distance-vector information as IGRP, but it puts a different algorithm against that information. EIGRP uses a diffusing update algorithm (DUAL) to calculate different metrics. Distance-vector routing protocols rely on information from other routers, which is sent out in 30 second intervals, to determine the most ideal path for passing traffic.
[Distance vector protocols versus link state protocols]
When considering which dynamic routing protocol is best to use for reconfiguring a network, it is important to know about routing protocols. Routing protocols are a set of protocols that have a specific function. Routing protocols main function is to maintain route tables that are used by routers and make decisions based upon those routes (Lammel, Barkl, 2003). There are two major categories of routing protocols: Link-state and Distance-vector. A link-state routing protocol understands an entire network, it does not listen to secondhand information, and it can make advanced routing decisions. A distance-vector routing protocol only understands the distance and direction to a network connection and it listens to secondhand information in order to get its routing table updates. Link-state routing protocols will send routing information to other routers during a handshake period of communication. This allows for less CPU utilization and less bandwidth needed because link-state routing protocols only update routing tables that have changed. Distance-vector routing protocols rely on information from other routers so they will periodically send routing tables to other routers, which in the even of a connection going down can slow down a network because all networking devices using distance-vector routing will send information to each other. There are two different types of routing protocols, link-state and distance-vector, that both have their advantages, disadvantages, and proper uses.
[Recommended Protocol]
Both the link-state and the distance-vector routing protocols have advantages and disadvantages, however it is the advanced metric calculating and hybrid of both link-state and distance-vector that allows for the Cisco proprietary EIGRP routing protocol to be the most ideal dynamic routing protocol to best suite my requirements and allow for the reconfiguring of the network.
[Conclusion]
In conclusion, both link-state and distance-vector routing protocols had their uses, however it is the hybrid of both of these two routing protocols which will be the most ideal solution for my reconfiguration of my company’s network. Link-state routing protocol is efficient in identifying the most ideal routes by talking with other routers and sharing if a connection goes down. Distance-vector was one of the first routing protocols used, however its lack of efficiency and relying on outside sources to pass traffic with the high overhead needed makes it not a viable solution to suite my needs.
[References]
1. Lammel, Barkl, Todd, Andy (2003). CCDA Cisco Certified Design Associate. Alameda, California: SYBEC Inc..
2. Martey, Abe (2002, May 17). Integrated IS-IS Routing Protocol Concepts. Retrieved September 21, 2008, from Integrated IS-IS Routing Protocol Concepts Web site: http://www.ciscopress.com/articles/article.asp?p=26850

Cars

3 Hillbillies

Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin’ the breeze.
1st Hillbilly says: “My wife sure is stupid!…She bought an air conditioner. ”
2nd Hillbilly says: “Why is that stupid?”
1st Hillbilly says: “We ain’t got no ‘lectricity!”
2nd Hillbilly says: “That’s nothin’! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin ‘ machines!”
1st Hillbilly says: “Why is that so stupid?”
2nd Hillbilly says: “‘Cause we ain’t got no plummin’!”
3rd Hillbilly says: “That ain’t nuthin’! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin’ fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.”
1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: “Well, what’s so dumb about that?”
3rd Hillbilly says: “She ain’t got no pecker.

Only a Mom Would Know

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home..

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!’ My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know… ‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?

Customs

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”

“Of course child. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”

Politics: Together We Can Make it Happen

There are two months until the General Election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States . The person elected will be the president of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans. It’s time that we all came together, Democrats and Republicans alike.

If you support the policies and character of John McCain, please drive with your headlights on during the day.

If you support Barack Obama, please drive with your headlights off at night. Together, we can make it happen.

Anger Management

Sometimes when you are angry with someone, it helps to sit down and think about the problem.

50th Anniversary

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

‘Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,’ gushed son number one …. ‘Sorry I’m running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn’t have time to get you a gift.’

‘Not to worry, ‘ said the father. ‘The important thing is that we’re all together today.’

Son number two arrived and announced, ‘You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions a nd didn’t have time to shop for you.’

‘It’s nothing,’ said the father, ‘We’re glad you were able to come.’

Just then the daughter arrived, ‘Hello and happy anniversary! I’m sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn’t have time to get you anything.’

After they had finished dessert, the father said, ‘There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.’

The three children gasped and all said, ‘You mean we’re bastards?’

‘Yep,’ said the father. ‘And cheap ones too.’

Networking Protocols and Models

[Abstract]
The purpose of this document is to explain different networking protocols and models by explaining what is needed to upgrade a network from a bus topology to a star topology. Also included within this document is information about a network design to allow for maximum users with maximum throughput for 100Mbps to the customer’s desktop within the star topology.

[Content]
When considering changing the topology on a business network, it is important to know information about different network topologies and benefits of each. The four most commonly found network topologies are the star, ring, bus, and mesh (Mitchell, 2008). The star topology has a centralized device, that which is like a hub of a wheel, with multiple connections going out to different devices. The ring topology has multiple devices along a network ring and they can either send data only one way or they can send data bi-directionally. The bus topology has a single path with multiple devices connected along that path and terminators on each end of the path. The bus topology was most commonly found as using coaxial cable at 10Mbps with multiple computers connected in series to it. The mesh topology has multiple devices with multiple paths between devices; this is by far the most complex and most robust topology out of the group. Knowing about the different types of network topologies, helps a customer know which will best suite their needs.
When making a decision of upgrading from a bus topology to a star topology, there are many choices that need to be made prior to making the best decision. The first most important decision to be made is about what type of media is going to be used. If existing CAT-5 or CAT-5e cable is present, it would be recommended to reutilize that, however since it is most likely that coaxial cable was used the other option is to use fiber optic cable. Fiber optic cable would be an ideal choice in the event that long distances or network security are major concerns for the computer network. Since neither of these was identified as possible issues, we’ll assume that CAT-6 cable is being used. The reinstallation of the network infrastructure is the most major part for upgrading from a bus to a star topology.
In order to get a complete idea of what is needed to upgrade the network, all necessary hardware pieces need to be identified. First and foremost if the local computers do not have 100BaseT network interface cards (NICs) in them, then enough NICs need to be purchased to populate all of the necessary computers. Additionally drop boxes and patch panels will be needed to be purchased for the infrastructure to interconnect the communications closet to the local users work areas. Depending on how many users are going to be on the network, I would recommend purchasing smaller Cisco 3750 switches for each office. The Cisco 3750 switches need to have 2 Gigabit uplink ports to be able to connect to the centralized hub of the topology. I recommend using a Cisco Catalyst 4506, 6509, or 6513, depending on how large the network is going to be. If all users are going to be located in one building, then just one major switch can be utilized with no secondary switches needed, however if a few buildings or one large building is going to be used, then there may be a need for additional switches. I also recommend the Cisco catalyst switch to have redundant power supplies, supervisory cards, and uplinks to the router that is routing traffic out of the local area network. This is due to this one piece of equipment being the single point of failure, having redundant power supplies, supervisory cards, and uplinks all ensure there is minimal downtime in the event of a hardware failure.
Even though some equipment will be located at the local users work areas, some of the equipment will be located in the communications closet. It is recommended that the central core switch is located in the communications closet because physical security ensures a raised level of security on a computer network. Also located in the communications closet will be a patch panel that with the use of patch cords will interconnect the core switch to the local user’s workstations. Also located in the communications closet should be an uninterruptible power supply (UPS). The UPS should be large enough to keep all equipment in the communications closet online in the event of a power outage. Also located in the communications closet should be the router and point of demarcation for the LAN to be routed out of the building. All necessary core communications equipment, with supporting power equipment, and horizontal distribution for the network should be secured within the communications closet.
There are some key steps that need to be taken in order to ensure maximum network security and throughput can be maintained. All critical network, power, and horizontal distribution equipment should be locked and secured within the communications closet. Physical security is one level to ensuring the complete network is secure. Additionally, the configuration of all networking devices should be using port security. This ensures that only authorized computers are provided with network connectivity. Third it is recommended that any unused ports on any networking equipment are disabled. The horizontal distribution patch panel should only have patch cables for ports that are being used to be connected to the core switch. This ensures unauthorized users do not plug an unauthorized device into an open port on the network infrastructure to obtain network connectivity. To maximize network throughput it is recommended that wherever an additional switch is being used to utilized two uplink ports from that switch to the core switch and establish a Gigabit EtherChannel (GEC). The GEC establishes a two gigabit connection between switches and ensures there is enough bandwidth necessary to support all users (Cisco). Maintaining network security and maximum throughput on a network are essential for both protecting the network and ensuring scalability of the network, today and in the future.
In conclusion, when upgrading from a network bus topology to a star topology it is important to invest, not only in the infrastructure, but also in the core devices. By making the investment the network can maintain a high level of security, as well as, a high level of scalability. Proper configuration of networking devices also ensures a high level of security and a maximum level of data throughput for all users. Security all critical networking equipment in the communications closest guarantees the star topology is a more ideal choice to meet all the company’s business needs.

References
1. Mitchell, Bradley Topologies – Network Topologies – Types of Topology Examples – Bus Ring Star. Retrieved September 7, 2008, from Topologies – Network Topologies – Types of Topology Examples – Bus Ring Star Web site: http://compnetworking.about.com/od/networkdesign/a/topologies.htm
2. Catalyst 5000 Family Software Configuration Guide (6.3 and 6.4) – Configuring Fast EtherChannel and Gigabit EtherChannel [Cisco Catalyst 5000 Series Switches] – Cisco Systems. Retrieved September 7, 2008, from Catalyst 5000 Family Software Configuration Guide (6.3 and 6.4) – Configuring Fast EtherChannel and Gigabit EtherChannel [Cisco Catalyst 5000 Series Switches] – Cisco Systems Web site: [URL Removed Broken link]