A Positive Attitude

He finally awoke from his coma, stiff as a board and in pain in the hospital’s ICU, with tubes up his nose & down his throat, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. It was obvious he’d been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep and steady heartfelt look straight in the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

He somehow managed to mumble in reply, “Can I feel your breasts, then?”

Now that’s a positive attitude!

Women Golf Pro Advantage


Who says women pro golfers are at a disadvantage to men?
Michelle Wie – pro golfer.
Matching lavender outfit worth $2000.
New pair of French sunglasses worth $500.
NIKE products Endorsements worth $10,000,000.
That handy gadget to hold your putter …. Priceless!!!

Yodobashi Camera Electronics Store Akihabara, Japan

Today I took the train over to Yodobashi camera in Akihabara, Japan. As I stood there waiting to cross the street I thought that would make a nice photo and here is that shot.

Betty White Advice

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Japanese Red Lobster Vending Machine

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I love Japanese vending machines. You can literally get an ice cold beer and a hot coffee from the same machine. You can get an ice cream and a hot dog from the same machines. Here was an interesting vending machine I found outside a Red Lobster.

Clash of Clans

We have started a new clan in the game Clash of Clans. If you are interested, just search for clans and type in the name “The Ku machan” Anybody is ok to join. The only thing we ask is that you observe our three rules:

1. Have Fun
2. Be respectful
3. Keep it clean (there may be children playing)

Other than that we look forward to seeing you there.

Always Wear Underwear

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Pattaya, Thailand Photos


Here are different photos from different places around Pattaya City, Thailand.

Things You Have Probably Never Seen

Housing estate – Denmark
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7,000 trees planted to form guitar on a farm in Argentina
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India – As if one head wasn’t bad enough!
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A Bugatti Veyron
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Buttress tree roots – Costa Rica
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Camouflaged mobile phone tower – U.S.A.
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Carpet of flowers – Brussels, Belgium
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Secondhand mobile phone market – China
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Ship & tugboat – Corinth Canal, Greece
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Statues bigger than you thought – Easter Island
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El Penon de Guatape – 650 Ft stone – Colombia
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Ferrari World – Abu Dhabi
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Nature’s bridge – India
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Golf course – Somewhere in Australia
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Living on the edge
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Magdeburg Water Bridge – Germany – 500 Million Euros, 6 Years to build, 918 Metres in length
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Mandarin duck – China
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Most beautiful horse in the world
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Night Lights – Times Square, New York
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Aerial view of Central Park, New York
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Rooftop garden – New York
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Niagara Falls – Canada
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Supercell storm cloud – U.S.A.
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Tibetan Mastiff Dog – Sold for 1.5 Million Dollars
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Tosua Pool, Samoa
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Window washers at Children’s Hospital – U.S.A.
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Through a Child’s Eyes

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Creator Humor

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Real Facts

A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
 
A cat’s lower jaw cannot move sideways.
 
Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
 
Borborygmi is the noise that your stomach makes when you are hungry.
 
In one day, a full-grown oak tree expels 7 tons of water through its leaves.
 
It is illegal for a portrait of a living person to appear on U.S. postage stamps.
 
Hawaii is moving toward Japan at the rate of almost 4 inches per year.
 
If you had 1 billion dollars and spent 1 thousand dollars a day, it would take you 2,749 years to spend it all

Indians Don’t Use Saddles

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A woman from   New York was driving through a remote
part of Arizona when her car broke down.

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered
her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the
Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a’ so loud that it
echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service
station, yelled one final ‘Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!’ and rode off.
“What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the
service-station attendant.
“Nothing,” the woman answered  “I merely sat behind him on
the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the
saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.”

“Lady,” the attendant said, “Indians don’t use saddles.”

Okinawa Expo Park and Churaumi Aquarium

Went and visited the Okinawa Expo Park and the Churaumi Aquarium that is located within the park. This was definitely something to see. The Aquarium is known for having five whale sharks in captivity in this massive tank. The size of it was very impressive. There were other nice things to see around the part such as the vegetation, the spectacular views, the dolphin show, and you must see the whale sharks. There were some other things that were kind of neat such as using PVC pipes to act as mangrove tree roots for fish to live in.

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7 Reasons Not To Mess with Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.  The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.  The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.   Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah’.
The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’
The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him’.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.  As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’
The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.  After explaining the commandment to ‘honour’ thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.  She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, ‘Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?’
Her mother replied, ‘Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.’
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, ‘Mummy, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?’

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.  ‘Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor..’
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ‘And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.’

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, ‘Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.’
‘Yes,’ the class said.
‘Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?’
A little fellow shouted, ‘Cause your feet ain’t empty.’

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
‘Take only ONE. God is watching.’
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.  A child had written a note, ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples.’

Lesbians Eat What?

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Getting Old

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Flowers in Japan

This was a real small flower that I was trying to take some photos from different angles to see which point of view would turn out better.
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Flowers in Kanagawa, Japan

Here I was playing around with taking some macro photos of cherry blossoms and other flowers with my camera in Kanagawa, Japan. Here are the photos from that experience.

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Odawara Castle, Japan

Took the train and went over to Odawara castle today to take some photos of the castle and the cherry blossoms. To my surprise there was a festival and a couple taking some wedding photos in front of the castle. This castle is not as big as some of the other castles I have been to, but it was still a neat experience because this castle is located close to both the mountains and the ocean.
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Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.

Just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year… that these windows would PAY FOR THEMSELVES in a year.

Hellooooo? It’s been a year, so they’re paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back.

I bet he felt like an idiot.

Purple Flowers in Japan


As I was passing by I noticed these pretty purple flowers on a tree in Kanagawa, Japan, so I decided to stop and practice taking some macro photos of them. I wish I knew what type of tree and flowers these are because it really is pretty.

Odakyu Train Line


Japan is world renowned for public mass transit by moving millions of people every single day. The Japanese train lines are very good with being on schedule and clean. Here are some photos of the Odakyu Train line showing trains coming in both directions near Chuo-rinkan train station.

Signs

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Darwin Awards

Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger… The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4.. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride… He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies… The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter… The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly… He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape…

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The man, frustrated, walked away.

[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for… Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!

A Loving Grandpa

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long, easy, boy.”

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, “It’s okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William.”

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your
composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”

“Thanks,” said the grandfather, “but I’m William …….the little shit’s name is Kevin.”

Just a Wee Bit….

“An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, “They’re lookin’ to get married, so you came to the right place. Look ’em over and pick the one you want.”

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the man’s opinion.

“Well,” said the man, “she’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice…pigeon-toed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

“Well,”the man replied, “she’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell…cross-eyed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,
“She’s perfect, just perfect. She’s the one I want to marry.”

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was
the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

“Well,” explained the Redneck…
“She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell…….pregnant when you met her.”

Disco

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says: “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

Husband says: “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!!

Confucius Say…

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What’s With All The Feathers?

A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.

“Feathers show number of sexual partners,” the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave, he continued, “Him? One woman, one feather. Him?” pointing to a second, older man, “Three women, three feathers.”

The reporter looked at the Chief’s headdress. “But you have so many feathers!”

The Chief proudly slapped his chest. “Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall.”

Horrified, the female reporter said, “You ought to be hung!”

The Chief said, “Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake.”

The offended reporter said, “You don’t have to be hostile!”

The Chief replied, “Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!”

The reporter cried, “Oh, dear!”

“No deer”, said the Chief. “Ass too high, run too fast!”

Vive la France

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This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk. The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after.

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested.

The Englishman answers with humor: No! Do you know that this is a British car and that my wife is the driver… on the other side???