Tag: money

Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage …

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Elderly Marriage

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:“So I hear you”re getting married?”“Yep!”“Do I know her?”“Nope!”“This woman, is she good looking?”“Not really.”“Is she a good cook?”“Naw, she can’t cook too well.”“Does she have lots of money?”“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”“Well, then, is she good in bed?”“I don’t know.”“Why in the world do you …

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Be Careful When You Have a Fast Car, it Could Hurt

A man goes out and buys a new Vette convertible. One night he takes it out for a spin, and stops at a red light. An old man pulls up next to him riding a mo-ped. The old man looks over the Vette and says, “What kind of car ya got there sonny?” The man …

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The $1000 Bet

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the …

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Management 101

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office…..but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I’ll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me screw you….but the girl said no. Johnny said I’ll be fast, I’ll throw the money …

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Short Harley Davidson Jokes

Have you heard about the new Harley-Davidson beer? You put it in your fridge and it leaks overnight. Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower. Is it true that Harleys are chick magnets? Yes, but only if the chick has a steel plate in her …

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4th Graders

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. Little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an exotic dancer in a …

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New prescription?

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila. Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help …

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Plastic Garbage Bags

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her….”Ma’am, there are $20 bills …

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A Christmas Story

Twas the night before Christmas–Old Santa was pissed.He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,Instead of “Thanks Santa”–what do I hear?The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.The …

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Where is your Underwear

The Englishman”s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. “Good God, woman! Why aren”t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded. “Well, you don”t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.” The …

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3 Certainties

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 60s or early 70s. “Can I help you?” she asked. “I want to see Natalie’ the man replied. “Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else.” said the madam. “No. …

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Home Wireless Network Users Need to Properly Secure Their Networks From Threats

In recent years, technology has been rapidly developing. This development introduced us to the Internet, commercial networks, and even home networks to move towards using wireless networks. In America, home networks are the vast majority of users on the Internet. Since home networks are the majority of users on the Internet, you will learn about …

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Game Cube Sucks

Game Cube is a half-hearted effort at a real gaming system! Everything from the miniture sized gaming system that takes proprietary game disks, to the fact that it doesn”t have a network connection built in. The thing that really sucks with a game cube is that whether you stay at home or take your gaming …

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Homeowners in Hawaii Need to Maximize Use of Solar Energy

As many people in Hawaii know, there is an abundance of sunlight in the state. This paper is going to explain to you why homeowners in Hawaii should maximize use of solar energy. First, this article will cover some of the reasons why many homeowners currently do not utilize our largest natural energy source, followed …

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The Prisoner

A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and guns, but all he finds is a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair. While …

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What does a college degree do for you?

Typically after high school, everybody has aspirations of furthering their education by going to college. What does an associate’s degree really do for you though? It was this question that intrigued me to start asking business professionals who have already attained their degree what it actually did for them. The common response I got back …

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Republican / Democrat, What is the Difference?

With the voting season coming I would like to share a few thoughts with you. First off I would like to say that I don’t pressure anybody into voting. The reason behind this is because it is a right and who am I to tell you what rights you should concern as your highest priority. …

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Do You Ever Feel Like a Stupid, Dummy?

Well it seems that I suck at taking tests. Today I went back for my 3rd retake of the Microsoft 70-290 exam. I was previously showing progress, but this time I was tired going into take the exam and it showed. I couldn’t think straight if my life depended on it. That’s what happens when …

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Do Presidential Candidate Rallies Really Help? Use the Money More Productively.

Since this is an election year there are going to be a few stories about the upcoming election. To go along with that there is one thing that really boggles my mind. First to kind of hit on the topic, I would like to ask if you have ever been sitting at home contemplating which …

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Do You Ever Get the Idea People Just Like to Screw With You?

Today I had to complete my vehicle registration because I received notice of it in the mail. I could have mailed it in, however I had to update some information so submitting it by mail would not have been suffient. Upon arriving at the city hall there was a line like 3 miles long. I …

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Shaping the Future for the Next Generation of Terrorists?

By what is happening in Iraq, Afghanistan, Isreal, and other countries, is this shaping the future for the next generation of terrorists? Look at this simple scenario. Lets say a kid has his father killed while fighting for what he believes is right. Now this kid grows up with a lot of rage and fury …

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Atkins Diet is No Answer for Lack of Self Discipline

Everybody from McDonalds to Subway seems to be jumping on the bandwagon for this Atkins diet. Atkins may be a good diet, but for most fatasses out there it will not be the answer to getting slim as opposed to getting off your fat ass and doing a little exercise. A sucessful mathmatical equation to …

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Sifting Through Bookstore Bullshit

I went to the bookstore today and I was looking through the computer books. The thing I noticed when I was trying to find the right book was that there are a million books and half of them are about the same things, but just written by different people who are asking way too much …

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High School Reunion

I recently received an e-mail from a girl I knew in high school. She was trying to get updated contact information and trying to find out if I’ll come to my high school reunion. It was neat to see some of the names listed on the contact list. She also sent out this e-mail saying, …

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Dell Finally Gave In and Gave My Money Back

The Dell saga has ended. Finally today Dell gave my money back after initially placing the order on March 3rd, 2004. The product was shipped back last month and this month I was finally refunded my money. It seems they are much quicker at taking your money than they are at giving it back. It …

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Dell Saga Continues

I contacted Dell again because I placed an order on March 3rd, 2004 and I cancelled that order the same day. Everything in that order was cancelled except the monitor that had already been shipped. Once I received notification of the product being delivered I noted “Return to Sender” on the package. With my handy …

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Issues With Dell

On March 5th, 2004 I decided I had been waiting around long enough to get a new computer. The predicament I kept running into though was that every time I tried customizing a computer on Dell’s website the price would jump up drastically. So I decided to call their phone support to help me with …

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My First Bad Experience on eBay

I recently was looking online for a movie I hadn’t seen for about 12 years, ?If looks could kill?”. While searching around on the internet I wasn’t having much luck. Then I decided to check on eBay. There it was, I managed to find the DVD and starwars9111 was the user selling it. So I …

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