Tag: morning

Cannibal Restaurant

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu… + Tourist: $5 + Broiled Missionary: $10.00 + Fried Explorer: $15.00 + Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, ‘Why …

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The University of Michigan Women’s Volleyball Upsets #10 Ranked University of Hawaii

This morning I was talking with a guy from work and he informed me that there is a season opening tournament for the University of Hawaii women‚Äö√Ñ√¥s volleyball. He also informed me that UH is playing the University of Michigan for their opening game. Once I heard that I knew I had to go to …

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Anal Glaucoma

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. “What’s the matter?” he asks “I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice. “What the hell is anal glaucoma?” “I can’t see my ass coming into work today.”

Birth Control Pills for Grandma

A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she …

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When I Was a Kid

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year ”round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they …

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Poker Player

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he couldn”t help but notice that Bill”s wife Sue”s, legs were spread wide and she wasn”t wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John, upon trying to sit back up …

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Questions & Answers

Q: What’s a mixed feeling?A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q: What’s the height of conceit?A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. Q: What’s the definition of macho?A: Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?A: …

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Olympic Commentators, OOPS!

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.” 2. Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I …

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Fart in Bed

This is a story about a couple, totally devoted to each other, who had been happily married for years. The only wee problem in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise wakes his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp …

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Does a Certain Song Bring Back That Certain Memory?

The other day I heard the song by Cher – Believe. Normally I wouldn’t really pay attention to a bad knockoff of techno like this, except it made me start thinking of the first place I heard it. The first time I heard this song was in Florida. I remember it vividly because I was …

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