Tag: want

How the Fight Started

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When his wife asked him why, he replied, “Well, she still hasn’t used the gift I bought her last year!” And that’s how the fight started… ————————– My wife walked …

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Morals

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two and gorgeous. One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to …

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Routing Protocols

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to explain different routing protocols by using them within a scenario of being charged to reconfigure a company‚Äôs network. In the past static routes have been used and, for the scenario, I would like to ease the configuration of routing information. I am concerned about processor utilization if …

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Untrained Personnel Developing Information System

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide a basic knowledge of what types of problems an untrained user may face with trying to develop an information system. Also included within this document is information about different case tools and how these case tools can aid in reducing cycle time and increase quality. [Content] …

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Business Ethics With Employees

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is intended to provide an answer to what ethical may arise based upon an employee devising a way to make their job better, if any at all. Also included within this document is a basic understanding of why it is important to share knowledge and information at the workplace. …

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University LAN

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge of how a university with all aspects of their university connected via the local area network (LAN) would change the educational process. Also included in this document are some examples of how a student can access the school‚Äôs information system and …

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Estimating Business Investment

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge of how automating the business by using computers and applications has advantages and disadvantages. Also included within this document is a plan to estimate the return on investment for automating the business, as well as, a determination of automating the business …

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E-Tail and Retail Stores

[Abstract] The purpose of this document is to provide an increased or basic knowledge and a comparison of online and retail stores. Also included in this document is a comparison of how buying a product online differs from buying a product from a retail store and which products are better suited to be sold online …

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Bullfrog

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn’t want to spend a fortune. ‘Well,’ said the clerk, ‘I have a very large bullfrog. …

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Women!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were …

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Sex is Missing Again

Folks generally aren’t very creative in choosing names for their dogs. That’s why there are so many named Rover and Spot. But have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he’d be cute and name his dog Sex? It goes like this: “One day Sex and I took a walk and he ran …

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The “Middle Wife” by an Anonymous 2nd Grade Teacher

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps …

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And so the Story Goes!

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.” Arthur thought about it for a …

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Things You’ve Always Wanted to Know…

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!) …

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Fishing at Pearl Harbor

Today my boy and I went fishing over by Pearl Harbor. We were there for 5 hours and didn‚Äö√Ñ√¥t officially catch anything. My boy had a fish on the line, but it was his 1st time reeling in a fish and he was reeling too slowly, so the fish got off. I had a bite …

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How to Decide who to Marry:

How to Decide who to Marry: You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. …

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Wyoming Cowboy

A WYOMING cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban Sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly …

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Fireman Sex

A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, ‘You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, Bell 3 rings and we’re on the fire truck ready to go.’From …

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You want me to do what?

Even man’s best friend has his limits!

Married Couple

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor …

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Blonde Joke in a Bar

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, “Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky …

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Money

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door. SON : “Daddy, may I ask you a question?” DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?” SON : “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?” DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do …

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Sumbitch

A filthy rich Floridian man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters …

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Chinese Newlyweds

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. “My darring,” he whispers, …

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The Miracle of Toilet Paper

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, He uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between …

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Stuck Pen

A coworker got his ink pen stuck inside our printer while trying to clear a jam. He attempted several times to remove the pen, but I told him we don’t have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it. We would have to report it to …

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Thailand Crocodile Show

Today I went over to the Pattaya crocodile farm and watched a crocodile show. The only thing I can say is, “Holy Crap!” This guy climbed into a pit with a bunch of crocodiles. He then began to do things like open their mouths and stick his hand in it. Then he tapped their teeth …

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Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage …

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Wedding Terms

On their wedding night, the young bride told her groom “Since we’re married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening if my hair is done, that means I don’t want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not have sex. Last…. if …

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Elderly Marriage

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:“So I hear you”re getting married?”“Yep!”“Do I know her?”“Nope!”“This woman, is she good looking?”“Not really.”“Is she a good cook?”“Naw, she can’t cook too well.”“Does she have lots of money?”“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”“Well, then, is she good in bed?”“I don’t know.”“Why in the world do you …

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Short Harley Davidson Jokes

Have you heard about the new Harley-Davidson beer? You put it in your fridge and it leaks overnight. Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower. Is it true that Harleys are chick magnets? Yes, but only if the chick has a steel plate in her …

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