After 21 years of marriage, My wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, “I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.” The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who …
Tag: wife
Toast of the Night
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer & said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the …
Confession
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand in the weak light, tears running down her face. Her praying woke him from his slumber. He looked up, pale lips moving slightly. “Becky my darling,” he whispered. “Hush my love,” she said. “Rest, don”t talk.” He …
Poker Player
Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he couldn”t help but notice that Bill”s wife Sue”s, legs were spread wide and she wasn”t wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John, upon trying to sit back up …
Napkins for a special occasion
My mother taught me to read when I was three years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping ”napkins” in the bathroom. Didn”t they belong in …
Don’t Close the Blinds
The other day, my nine year old son wanted to know why we were at war. My husband looked at our son and then looked at me. My husband and I were in the Army during the Gulf War and we would be honored to serve and defend our Country again today. I knew that …
Quickies!
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, “I didn”t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?” Leroy replied, “I”m not sure, What was her maiden name?———————————————————————-A little boy went up to his father and asked: “Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?” The …
Difference Between Men and Women Showering
How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note …
Questions & Answers
Q: What’s a mixed feeling?A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q: What’s the height of conceit?A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. Q: What’s the definition of macho?A: Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?A: …
The Prisoner
A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and guns, but all he finds is a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair. While …
Breakfast
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful … CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my Gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to …
Red Skeleton’s Tips for a Happy Marriage
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson. 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding …
Olympic Commentators, OOPS!
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.” 2. Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I …
Which is Worse, Sitting at Home Alone or Hanging Out With Lamers?
Last night I was bored so I decided to walk over to a friend’s house nearby. While there some other people showed up. Then they start prank calling people who they had in their cell phone address book. I felt like I was back in middle school again so I decided to go back home …