Tag: women

Philosophers’ Views of Wives and Marriage

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. David Bissonette After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.. Sacha Guitry By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be …

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Socially Unacceptable Humor

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg.” I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor – she only had …

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Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors & the value of the products increase as the …

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He said To Me!

He said to me… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it? I said to him… You wear pants don’t you? He said to me… Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said to him… That’s a good idea – you stand by the stove & sink while …

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For All The Man-haters: Why Buy the Pig

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free. Here’s an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like…. 1. Men are like Laxatives. …

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A Man’s Perspective of Trying to Understand Women

I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

The Taxi

– For young men, it’s a nice ass. The really observant will see the thong. – For older men, it is a respectable woman with a nice ass crossing the street. – The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman. – The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in …

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How to Save the Airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell — They don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, …

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Where did Piss Poor Come From?

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery… if you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor.” But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even …

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Brave Man Jokes

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.. How do you …

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Paraprosdokian

I had to look up “paraprosdokian”. Here is the definition: “Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.” “Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is a type of paraprosdokian. 1. Do not argue with an idiot. …

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Let’s Offend Everyone

– I had just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage roll. A poor homeless man sat there and said ‘I’ve not eaten for two days’ I told him ‘I wish I had your f**king will power’. – I got fired on my …

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Child’s Viewpoint is Best

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt! OPINIONS …

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Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims

If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. You may be a Muslim If you own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes. You may be a Muslim If you have more wives than teeth. You may be a Muslim If you …

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Mayo Clinic Test

Facial expressions are an important part of the respected Mayo Clinic psychometric test. In the following pictures you see women with a range of facial expressions. Study the expressions, and try to imagine what single act each is experiencing. Answer: They are all about to sneeze. What were you thinking?

Driving

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself ‘I must be losing it. I could have …

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Police Quotes

These are actual comments made by 16 police officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country. 1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.” 2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.” 3. …

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Zen Teachings

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. 2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any. …

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Girls With a Sexy Sense of Humor

Teachers & Cops:

These are actual comments made on students’ report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. …

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The Rule Maker

Do you know who makes the rules? As sportsmen, it is absolutely imperative that in all of the sports we engage, we, without hesitation, play by the rules … We take care to understand the rules, we discuss the rules amongst ourselves, and we study the rules … As golfers, we are ruled by the …

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You May Be a Taliban If…

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.” 5. You think vests …

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Sexy Women T-shirts

Eye Make-up

How important is eye makeup? Ladies, the best way to attract a man is with your eyes. That’s why it’s so important to have your eye makeup perfectly applied. Remember, if it weren’t for the excellent application of proper eye makeup this young lady probably wouldn’t get a second look from most guys… I could …

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Fishing and Marriage License

Women Should Take Their Own Messages

Saving a Life

There is an ongoing research study showing that the following photos have been taken to identify major causes of traffic accidents. I’m applying for a government grant to study this problem further. Wish me luck. “If it only saves one life…”

Spanish Words of the Day

1. Cheese The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito Replies: ‚ÄúMaria likes me, but cheese fat.‚Äù 2. Mushroom When all of my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom. 3. Shoulder My fren wanted to become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder. …

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A Heartwarming Story

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!” ‘The cop asked, ‘What’s he like?’ The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.”

Words Women Use:

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2.) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game …

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4th of July in Hawaii

In Hawaii people don’t make as big of a deal about the Independence day of the United States, that is probably due to the large Asian population living in Hawaii. They seem to make a bigger deal out of New Year’s Eve than they do the 4th of July. So this year I went to …

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