John O’Reilly hoisted his beer & said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?” John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said. The next day Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the corner. He chuckled and said, “John won the prize last night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.” She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.
Day: March 22, 2005
IRS Genie
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst. He”s crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden; he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. This one is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress. There”s a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
“Well, cowboy,” says the genie “You know how I work. You have three wishes.”
“I”m not falling for this.” said the cowboy. “I”m not going to trust an IRS genie.”
“Whatta got ta lose? You”ve got no transportation , and it looks like you”re a goner anyway!”
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
“OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.”
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen and he”s surrounded by jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
“OK, cowpoke, what”s your second wish?”
“My second wish is that I am rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
“OK, cowpuncher, ya got just one more wish. Better make it a good one!”
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, “I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”
***POOF***
He”s turned into a tampon.