Category: Humor

Relaxing Game of Golf

Explicit Language Warning.

Ice Cream Parlor

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

Fishing With Moses

Follow the Doctor’s Advice

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’ Morris replied, ‘Just doing …

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Noah’s Mother-in-law

State of the Art Hearing Aid

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “Twelve thirty.”

I Can’t Eat That

Vaginas Are Like the Weather

Why Are You Getting Married?

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: “So I hear you’re getting married?” “Yep!” “Do I know her?” “Nope!” “This woman, is she good looking?” “Not really.” “Is she a good cook?” “Nah, she can’t cook too well.” “Does she have lots of money?” “Nope! Poor as a church mouse.” “Well, then, is …

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Take Your Time

Who Plays With Them the Most

Kangaroo Porn

Don’t you hate it when you are at the zoo and animals start humping?  I don’t know what kind of freaky stuff kangaroos are into, but these kangaroos are going at it with a lookie-loo watching.

Hospital Regulations

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.  However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.  After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me …

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Thinking About Sex

What’s the Name of That Restaurant

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.’ The other man said, ‘What …

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Palm Sunday

Decreasing Stroke Odds

Write it Down

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember…Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair “Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” he …

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Third Worm on Noah’s Ark

The Magic of Cleavage

The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.”  The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there …

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The Duck and the Lawyer

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota. He shot a bird, but it fell into farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot …

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Where to Keep Holy Things

You’re a Weatherman?

Moses’ Mother

She’s Doing All the Driving

Technology Will be the Death of Us

Hi, George. This is Richard, next door. I’ve a confession to make. I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I’m telling you in this text. I can’t live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this. …

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Almost Finished Drinking

That May Smell Good to You

Fake News

Thursday’s Weather Forecast

Mother Nature is selling a heat wave…for one day only.

Follow Me to the Lab

Starbucks New Items

I Love You Honey

Cheap Gas

I Don’t Always Bark at Night

Kiss Cam Winning Kiss

Border King

Military Family Window Decal

You can certainly spot a military family vehicle by the message being sent through the window decal.

Groundhog Day 2019

Six more weeks of winter.

How I lost My Teeth

4 Retirees Visit a Bar

Four old retired men are walking down a street in   Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10 cents.” They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice …

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Thank You For All You Give Me

Christmas Tree Fainted

Some Days Start Great

Posing For a Photo

Moment You Are Beautiful

A Retired Marine

A retired Marine sits around the house all day, so one day his wife says, “Ed, you could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week.” The guy gives it a moment’s thought and says, “Sure, why not? Show me to the vacuum.” Half an hour later, the guy comes into the kitchen …

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What Scientists Believe They Know About Breasts

Grandfather of the Year

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things. The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, we won’t be long.” Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, “It’s …

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