Category: Humor

I’m making breakfast when I notice Mr Whiskers lying on the floor at the edge of the kitchen, staring at me. This is unusual for several reasons, the most important being that I am cooking eggs and Mr Whiskers is…

I’m sitting in the living room watching Mr Whiskers attempt to occupy a sunbeam when Pandora’s phone rings for the fourth time in less than an hour. I know it’s the fourth time because the first call interrupted something I…

I’m making coffee when I notice Mr Whiskers’ food bowl is empty. This would normally trigger an immediate response because Mr Whiskers has developed a sophisticated notification system for an empty food bowl consisting primarily of standing beside it and…

I’m standing in the kitchen with a cup of coffee that stopped being hot sometime during the previous administration when I notice Pandora’s breakfast plate sitting on the table. There is nothing particularly unusual about a plate sitting on a…

I first notice it at work when Karen asks Dave if he has a minute. Under normal circumstances, that wouldn’t mean anything. People ask other people if they have a minute all the time, and usually the correct response is…

For the past week, Pandora has been getting out of bed at exactly 6:45 every morning, and I realize there are people who will hear that sentence and wonder why I care. Those people have clearly never lived with Pandora.…

I’m making breakfast when I notice the toast is thicker than usual. Not dramatically thicker. Nobody else would walk into the kitchen, look at these two slices of toast, and immediately conclude that something had changed. But I make toast…

I’m sitting in the living room watching Pandora type on her laptop when I smell something strange. At first I ignore it because Pandora has been working on the same project for weeks, Mr Whiskers is asleep on the windowsill,…

Mrs Jenkins knocks on the door sometime after dinner carrying a plate of cookies, which is normally the kind of event I support without requiring additional information. She says she tried a new recipe and made too many, so she…

I’m sitting in the living room watching Pandora type away on her laptop. She’s been working on the same project for weeks, and I can tell she’s getting frustrated because every few minutes she stops, stares at the screen, sighs,…

I’m sitting in the living room, staring at the TV remote, when I notice that Mr Whiskers is lying unusually still beside me on the couch. He isn’t even twitching his tail, which he normally does whenever he’s watching birds…

I’m watching Pandora make breakfast, her hands moving efficiently as she cracks eggs into a pan. It’s one of those moments where everything feels normal, but my mind starts to wander. I notice the way Mr Whiskers is sitting on…

I’ve been noticing that Pandora’s been leaving her lunch in the fridge longer than usual. Yesterday I found a piece of week-old pizza wrapped in foil behind the orange juice, and this morning there was a carton of Chinese takeout…

I was standing in the kitchen drinking coffee when I noticed Pandora’s phone sitting on the counter beside the fruit bowl. It had been there since she left that morning, which was unusual enough to get my attention but not…

Pandora was eating cereal too quietly. I noticed this at approximately eight-twenty in the morning while standing at the kitchen counter making toast, and I realize there are people who will argue that cereal does not have an appropriate volume.…

The shopping list was attached to our refrigerator with a magnet shaped like a slice of pizza, which immediately raised a question because it wasn’t our shopping list. I noticed it while getting a glass of water sometime after breakfast.…

I noticed the gnome at eight-fifteen in the morning, although in fairness I had no reason to be looking at it. Mrs Jenkins keeps several garden gnomes among the flowers outside her apartment near the shared courtyard, and over time…

I had been watching Mr Whiskers for eleven minutes when I realized that, from his perspective, I was probably the suspicious one. He was sitting on the far end of the couch grooming the same patch of fur behind his…

After the coffee creamer situation, I had made a decision. I was going to stop investigating things. This was not an admission that there had been nothing to investigate. I want that distinction clearly understood. The coffee creamer had been…