Fart in Bed

This is a story about a couple, totally devoted to each other, who had been happily married for years. The only wee problem in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise wakes his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was a perfectly natural occurrence. “She asked him to see a doctor, saying she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out, but he only laughed. The years went by, and he continued to rip them out every morning.

Then one Thanksgiving morning, as the long-suffering wife was preparing the turkey for dinner while her dearly beloved was upstairs still sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the ‘spare parts’ and a naughty little thought came to her….She took the bowl of parts and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep. Gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Then she quietly tiptoed down to the kitchen to wait for the fun to begin.

A short while later she heard her husband awaken with his usual trumpeting….which was immediately followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture, she reckoned she had got back at him pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, “Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened….

But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

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