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Updated Oldy: Democratic Convention

Dave

7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning
7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N.
7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging
7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:00 pm ~ How I Invented the Internet – Al Gore
8:15 pm ~ Gay Wedding Planning – Barney Frank presiding
8:35 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:40 pm ~ Our Troops are War Criminals – John Kerry
9.00 pm ~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
10:00 pm ~ ‘Answering Machine Etiquette’ – Alec Baldwin
11:00 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 pm! ~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund – Barbra Streisand
11:15 pm ~ Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay – Sean Penn
11:30 pm ~ Oval Office Affairs – William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:50 pm ~ How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers – Howard Dean
12:15 am ~ ‘Truth in Broadcasting Award’ – Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore
12:25 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:30 am ~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am ~ Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:05 am ~ Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton
1:30 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:35 am ~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home

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Dog Pack Attacks Gator In East Texas

Dave

At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the “apex predator”, can still fall victim to implemented ‘team work’ strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and “survival of the pack mentality” bred into the canines.

See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of th e gator.

Not for the squeamish!

dogsattack.jpg

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Twenty Dollars

Dave

On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first Lovemaking encounter. In His highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more
Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to
Afford new clothes and other incidentals that She needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was Surprised to find
Her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that His employer Was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had Been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of
59, he’d be able to find Another position that paid anywhere near what He’d been earning , and Therefore, they Were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which Showed more than thirty
Years of steady deposits and interest totaling Nearly $1 million. Then she
Showed him certificates of deposits issued By the bank which were worth over $2 million, And informed him that they Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that For the more than Three decades she had “charged” him for sex, These holdings had multiplied And these were the Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments Worth over $3
Million, her husband was so astounded he could Barely speak, but
Finally he found his voice and blurted out, “If I’d had any idea what you
Were doing, I would have given you all my Business!”

That’s when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when
To keep their mouths shut.

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The University of Michigan Women’s Volleyball Sweeps the Oregon State University

Dave

Today I watched the University of Michigan Sweep Oregon State University in 3 games to win the ASICS Rainbow Wahine Invitational Tournament. This game was not as exciting as the game against the University of Hawaii last night, but it was good to see that the University of Michigan is still undefeated.

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Chinese Newlyweds

Dave

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers
naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. “My darring,” he whispers, “I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting – juss anyting you want. You juss ask… so… whatchu want?” he says, trying to sound experienced and
worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, “I want to try someting I have
heard about from other girls… Numbaa 69.”

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her…

“You want… Mushroom Chicken with steam vegetable????

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