August 2011 archive

Humor – Five Surgeons

Five surgeons having drinks together at a surgical convention exchanged opinions regarding their favorite patient types. The first, a Florida surgeon, said, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” The second, a Michigan surgeon, responded, “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside …

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The Things I Owe My Parents

1. My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.” 2. My Parents taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” 3. My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, …

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Divorce vs Murder

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.” The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?” The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.” The pharmacist’s eyes got big …

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Virginia Earth Quake Fault line

Just released by the White House Press Corp – Today, President Barack Obama re-named the fault line in Virginia where the recent earth quake struck, Bush’s Fault. No other details were given.

Looking for a Good Book

Confucius say, “If you are in a book store and cannot find the book for which you search, you are obviously in the…..

American History

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said, ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodiaki a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: ‘Patrick Henry, 1775’he said. ‘Very good!’ Who said, ‘Government of the People, by …

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How a Bacon Cheeseburger is Made

This is how a bacon cheeseburger is made…this pic was sent to me by a high school friend of my wife. He owns a large meat company in Pennsylvania & he said that he heard it from his vet, so I know it’s true. Don’t bother checking Snopes.

Investment 101

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today! If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But, if …

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Californians

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this: You know you’re from California if… 1. Your coworker has 8-body piercings and none are visible. 2. You make over $300,000 a year and still can’t afford to buy a house 3. You take …

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