January 2014 archive

Win Back the Hearts of Voters for 2014

Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, “Harry, I have a plan to win back the hearts of voters in Middle America in 2014!” “Great Nancy, but how?” asked Harry. “We’ll get some cheap, tacky clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the animal shelter …

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Do Elephants Remember?

In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants …

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Texas State Police Are Cracking Down on Speeders

The Texas State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Dallas. For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas Cowboy tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them. Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? A. The Dallas Cowboys Q. How …

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Male Logic: Critical Thinking At Its Best!

Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes. Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (This is where it gets scary !) Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose. Woman: So a …

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Bar Room Logic

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. Armand’s Pizza, Washington, DC Fighting for peace is like Screwing for virginity. The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LO No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick …

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The Amazing WD-40

I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was …

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