Why We Broke Up
She told me we couldn’t afford beer anymore and I’d have to quit. Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up. I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn’t. She said she needed the make-up…
Category: Humor
Be Careful When You Have a Fast Car, it Could Hurt
A man goes out and buys a new Vette convertible. One night he takes it out for a spin, and stops at a red light. An old man pulls up next to him riding a mo-ped. The old man looks…
Anal Glaucoma
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. “What’s the matter?” he asks “I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice. “What…
Why Condoms Come in Boxes of 3, 6, and 12
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men…
In The Closet
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman”s husband also comes home. She puts…
A Boy, A Man & A Donkey
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man…
Daddy’s Gonna Eat Your Fingers
This one is for all of you who: a) have kids b) had kids c) was a kid d) know a kid!’, ‘As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing…
Strange Buzzing Noise
As a woman passes her daughter”s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with vibrator. Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are…
The $1000 Bet
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to…
Management 101
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office…..but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I’ll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me…
Texas Drinking Rules
A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Mexico our glass is so cheap we don’t need to drink from the same…
An Indian With One Testicle
There once was a Red Indian whose given name was “Onestone”. So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked…
More Rejected Titles for Brokeback Mountain
OklahomoHigh NoonerThe Magifient Seven InchesJeremiah’s JohnsonPolesmokeButch Assidy and the Bundance KidHow the West Was HungThe Legend of the Long RangerDoc’s Holiday With Billy the KidVery Raw HideLonesome DougA Fistful of NedHi, Plains Drifter!Quickly Down UnderBareback MountingBone-nanzaDon’t Mess With Tex’assHome on…
Short Harley Davidson Jokes
Have you heard about the new Harley-Davidson beer? You put it in your fridge and it leaks overnight. Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower. Is it true that Harleys…
Rejected Titles for Brokeback Mountain
10. Bone-anza 9. Way Out West Hollywood 8. Young Buns II: Blaze of Glory Holes 7. Prances With Wolves 6. Westward Homo 5. Bi Noon 4. Male Rider / Tail Rider / Pole Rider (tie) 3. McCabe & Mr. Miller…
What begins with “F” and ends with “K”
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what”s your problem?” Harry answered, “I”m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I”m smarter than…
G.W. Bush Intelligence
After numerous rounds of “We don”t know if Osama is still alive,” Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and…
Good Enough?
At the movie theater a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was frigging herself furiously. He moved to the next seat to her and…
New Postage Stamp
The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of Senator Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements as the First Lady of our nation. In daily use it was shown that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This…
Old Cow
Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road in New York State one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t – the aged bovine was…