Month: February 2008

Old Age

Dave

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today..”

The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me”

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, “I would like to buy you a drink, too.”

The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming up,! ” says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, “I would like to buy you one, too.”

The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming right up,” the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, “Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?”

The old woman replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.”

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Signs That You May be Having a Bad Day

Dave

1.) You woke up in a strange place
strangeplace.jpeg

2.) Your new diet doesn’t seem to be working
baddiet.jpeg

3.) You pulled a muscle while trying to exercise
pulledmuscle.jpeg

4.) Your new hat looked better on you at the store
newhat.jpeg

5.) You keep losing things
forgetful.jpeg

6.) You feel like you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time
wrongplacewrongtime.jpeg

7.) The boss chewed you out at work
chewedout.jpeg

8.) You got caught in the rain at lunchtime
rain.jpeg

9.) You get no respect
respect.jpeg

10.) You feel trapped somehow…
trapped.jpeg

11.) Traffic on the way home was brutal
traffic.jpeg

12.) You think you might be coming down with the flu
flu.jpeg

13.) You’re home alone and you hear a noise in the basement
basementnoise.jpeg

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