February 2008 archive

Funny Signs

Things You Don’t See Everyday

Puppies For Sale

I will soon have bird dog pups for sale. Anyone who is interested please contact me as soon as possible. The litter will probably be between 7 to 10 pups , which I will sell at a very reasonable price. Below is a photo of the parents of the litter, to give you an idea …

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Bubba and the Psychiatrist

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. ‘I’ve got problems Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’ ‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid …

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Sex is Missing Again

Folks generally aren’t very creative in choosing names for their dogs. That’s why there are so many named Rover and Spot. But have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he’d be cute and name his dog Sex? It goes like this: “One day Sex and I took a walk and he ran …

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It’s time to play “Find the Canadian!”

This week’s challenge is especially difficult. View the attached candid photograph and use logic to locate the clues that will let you “Find the Canadian!” Do you have the skill? Do you have the ability? Do you know enough about your northern cousins? Can you find the Canadian?

Is America at War?

As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car, with the door open. The old man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in …

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The Wrong Bitch

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged French woman’s poodle. The war weary Marine asked, ‘Ma’am, may I have that seat?’The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular …

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Differences Between Women And Men

1. NAMES If Rebecca, Linda, Anna and Jeanne go out for lunch, they will call each other Rebecca, Linda, Anna and Jeanne. If Mark, Harold, Dave and Rob go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Harold, Dave and …

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Cat Baths

A few thoughts on cat baths…by The Cat “But You Said You Loved Me!” “You will pay, as God is my witness, you will pay.” “Jeepers, you call this water warm???” “I don’t think I like you anymore.” “You SUCK!!!!!!” “E.T. phone home……quick!” “No, I’m not your Good Little Kitty anymore.” “Traction….I’m losing Traction!” “I …

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Upper Peninsula Moose

Not one, but two! Truly amazing! These animals were photographed just north of the Wisconsin border on a highway near Marenisco, Michigan. Once in awhile there is an opportunity to take in a piece of nature that you may never see. In these days of unrest and turmoil it is great to see that Mother …

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Never Piss Off your Plastic Surgeon!

Hot date in Alabama

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist: “I got a hot date ! tonight , an’ I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?” The pharmacist responds: “A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax.” “TACKS!” the shocked redneck says. …

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Groaner

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce straight …

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Those Crazy Bikers

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage …

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Happy Valentine’s Day

A puppy has been born in Japan with a large, clear, love-heart-shaped pattern in his coat. The Chihuahua was born in May as one of a litter to a breeder. Shop owner Emiko Sakurada said it was the first time a puppy with the marks had been born out of a thousand she had bred. …

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Grouchy

A 5th grader asked her mother the age-old question, ‘How did I get here?’ Her mother told her, ‘God sent you.’ ‘Did God send you,too?’ asked the child. ‘Yes,Dear,’ the mother replied. ‘What about Grandma and Grandpa?’ the child persisted. ‘He sent them also,’ the mother said. ‘Did he send their parents,too?’ asked the child. …

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Just Like In The Movies?

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. ‘What are you so happy about?’ asks the barman. ‘Well, I’ll tell you,’ replies the ugly man. ‘You know I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the …

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A Short Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly….. He in the upper bunk and she in …

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The “Middle Wife” by an Anonymous 2nd Grade Teacher

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps …

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Movie Poster – Broke Back Mountain 2

Orthopedic Bed Just for Men

Someone has finally made an orthopedic bed just for men. Available only at “Butts, Boobs and Beyond”

Old Age

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today..” The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, …

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New Sex Study

It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

Redneck Birth Control

Signs That You May be Having a Bad Day

1.) You woke up in a strange place 2.) Your new diet doesn’t seem to be working 3.) You pulled a muscle while trying to exercise 4.) Your new hat looked better on you at the store 5.) You keep losing things 6.) You feel like you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time …

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Great Ads

Chelsea Clinton

Chelsea Clinton recently discussed current events with a U.S. soldier. She asked if, as an American fighting man, anything scared him. He told her there were only three things he feared: 1) Osama 2) Obama And 3) Yo Mama!

Real Men of Genius