Month: May 2011

Government Humor Thoughts

California vs Texas: What To Do About An Attack By A Wild Coyote

Dave

California:

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.

  1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
  2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 for testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
  3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 for testing it for diseases.
  4. The Governor goes to a hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and having his bite wound bandaged.
  5. The running trail gets shut down for six months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
  6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.
  7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
  8. The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training regarding the nature of coyotes.
  9. PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million lawsuit against the State.

Texas:

The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

  1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow-point cartridge.
  2. The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

Related Posts

Humor

The Hillbilly Vasectomy

Dave

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. ‘A less costly alternative,’ said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.’

The Alabamian said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.’

‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

‘1’

‘2’

‘3’

‘4’

‘5’

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri and West Virginia

Related Posts

Humor

AFLAC Scam

Dave

Police say that the gang usually is comprised of four members, one adult and three younger ones.

While the three younger ones, all appearing sweet and innocent, divert their ‘mark’ (or intended target) with a show of friendliness , the fourth –the eldest– sneaks in from behind the person’s back to expertly rifle through his or her pocket or purse for any valuables.

Be on the alert!! Scroll down to see photo of how it works.

This is being called the AFLAC Scam .

Related Posts