Month: July 2013

Tonsils vs. Circumcision

Dave

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room, the first surgeries of the day.

The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m getting my tonsils out, and I’m afraid.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

The first kid says, “Circumcision.”

“Whoa!” the second kid replies, “Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a year.”

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Putin’s Speech on Feb. 04, 2013

Dave

This is one time our elected leaders should pay attention to the advice of Vladimir Putin…. how scary is that?

On February 4th, 2013, Vladimir Putin, the Russian president, addressed the Duma (Russian Parliament) and gave a speech about the tensions with minorities in Russia:

“In Russia live Russians. Any minority, from anywhere, if it wants to live in Russia, to work and eat in Russia, should speak Russian, and should respect the Russian laws. If they prefer Sharia Law, then we advise them to go to those places where that’s the state law. Russia does not need minorities, minorities need Russia and we will not grant them special privileges or try to change our laws to fit their desires, no matter how loud they yell ‘discrimination’. We better learn from the suicides of America, England, Holland and France, if we are to survive as a nation. The Russian customs and traditions are not compatible with the lack of culture or the primitive ways of most minorities. When this honorable legislative body thinks of creating new laws, it should have in mind the national interest first, observing that the minorities are not Russians.”

The politicians in the Duma gave Putin a five minute standing ovation.

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Eternal Life

Dave

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.

The guy thinks for a moment and says, “I want to live forever.”

“Sorry,” said the genie, “I’m not allowed to grant eternal life.”

“OK, then, I want to die after the government balances the budget and eliminates the debt.

“You crafty little bastard,” said the genie..

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