Month: December 2014
Kiwano Melon
I was at Walmart today and I came across this thing I think is a fruit. I’ve never seen one before in my life. It is called a kiwano melon. The interesting thing is that ever new place I go, I always find something new and interesting. This was the thing I found today.
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Irish Diabetic
One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy – reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.
“Could you taste this for me, please?”
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
“Does that taste sweet to you?” asks Paddy.
“No, not at all,” says the chemist.
“Oh that’s a relief,” says Paddy. “The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”
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Case Study
I was having a drink at a local restaurant with my friend Justin when he spotted an attractive woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering his courage, he approached her and asked, “Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responded by yelling at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t come over to your place tonight!”
With everyone in the restaurant staring, Justin crept back to our table, puzzled and humiliated.
A few minutes later, the woman walked over to us and apologized. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you,” she said, “but I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying human reaction to embarrassing situations.”
At the top of his lungs Justin responded, “What do you mean, two hundred dollars?”
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The Male Cycle
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
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Little Bruce
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Bruce, you are only 10… Where will you two live?”
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, “In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, “Okay, then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Jenny.”
Again, Bruce instantly replies, “Our allowance, Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That’s 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine.”
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.
“Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?”
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well, we’ve been lucky so far.”
Mr. Smith no longer thinks little Brucie is adorable.