A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:“So I hear you”re getting married?”“Yep!”“Do I know her?”“Nope!”“This woman, is she good looking?”“Not really.”“Is she a good cook?”“Naw, she can’t cook too well.”“Does she have lots of money?”“Nope! Poor as a…
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the…
A girl was visiting her friend who had acquired two new dogs. She asked her what their names were. The friend responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of…
She’s been on her knees more times than Billy Graham. She’s been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum. She’s done more screwing than Black and Decker. She’s responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood. She’s turned more tricks…
How to shower like a woman: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.…
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied…
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up. They started loading…
The Pasta Diet1) You walka pasta da bakery.2) You walka pasta da candy store.3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.4) You walka pasta da table and fridge. And for those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the…
Benign………………….What you be after you be eight. Bacteria………………..Back door to cafeteria. Barium…………………What you do with dead folks. Cesarean Section……A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan……………….Searching for the cat.Cauterize……………..Made eye contact with her. Colic……………………A sheep dog. Coma………………….A punctuation mark. D&C……………………Where Washington is. Dilate………………….To…
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first…
Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his butt. If you do not mind me saying,” said the second, “that…
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is…
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he wasGod and I didn’t! 2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!4. Some people…
She told me we couldn’t afford beer anymore and I’d have to quit. Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up. I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn’t. She said she needed the make-up…
A man goes out and buys a new Vette convertible. One night he takes it out for a spin, and stops at a red light. An old man pulls up next to him riding a mo-ped. The old man looks…
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. “What’s the matter?” he asks “I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice. “What…
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men…
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman”s husband also comes home. She puts…
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man…