Daddy’s Gonna Eat Your Fingers
This one is for all of you who: a) have kids b) had kids c) was a kid d) know a kid!’, ‘As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing…
Category: Humor
Strange Buzzing Noise
As a woman passes her daughter”s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with vibrator. Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are…
The $1000 Bet
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to…
Management 101
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office…..but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I’ll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me…
Texas Drinking Rules
A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Mexico our glass is so cheap we don’t need to drink from the same…
An Indian With One Testicle
There once was a Red Indian whose given name was “Onestone”. So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked…
More Rejected Titles for Brokeback Mountain
OklahomoHigh NoonerThe Magifient Seven InchesJeremiah’s JohnsonPolesmokeButch Assidy and the Bundance KidHow the West Was HungThe Legend of the Long RangerDoc’s Holiday With Billy the KidVery Raw HideLonesome DougA Fistful of NedHi, Plains Drifter!Quickly Down UnderBareback MountingBone-nanzaDon’t Mess With Tex’assHome on…
Short Harley Davidson Jokes
Have you heard about the new Harley-Davidson beer? You put it in your fridge and it leaks overnight. Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower. Is it true that Harleys…
Rejected Titles for Brokeback Mountain
10. Bone-anza 9. Way Out West Hollywood 8. Young Buns II: Blaze of Glory Holes 7. Prances With Wolves 6. Westward Homo 5. Bi Noon 4. Male Rider / Tail Rider / Pole Rider (tie) 3. McCabe & Mr. Miller…
What begins with “F” and ends with “K”
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what”s your problem?” Harry answered, “I”m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I”m smarter than…
G.W. Bush Intelligence
After numerous rounds of “We don”t know if Osama is still alive,” Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and…
Good Enough?
At the movie theater a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was frigging herself furiously. He moved to the next seat to her and…
New Postage Stamp
The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of Senator Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements as the First Lady of our nation. In daily use it was shown that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This…
Old Cow
Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road in New York State one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t – the aged bovine was…
Brokeback Mountain?
A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, Wyoming, goes into the doctor’s office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, “I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS.” The cowboy tugs at his…
4th Graders
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. Little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the…
Dead Mule in the Churchyard….
A Pastor went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard He telephoned the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the Pastor to the…
Never Lie to Momma
Mrs. Gonzalez comes to visit her son Jose for dinner. Jose lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, Mama can’t help but notice how pretty Jose’s roommate is. She had long been suspicious of the…
Admiral Introductions
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they’re airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, “Admiral, United States…
Crusty Old Naval Chief
“Well,” snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, “I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and “P” on my grave.” “Not me, Chief!”…