May 2012 archive

Two Irish Women

Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland .’ The other woman responds proudly, ‘Yes, I sure am!’ The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about in …

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Young King Arthur

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer …

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Mounted Policeman

This is nothing like the relationship between a man and his horse!

Sharpie Pens

There are few things more dangerous than a perverted electrician with a pen.

Motorcycle Gas Tank

The Butler

A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would enjoy his evening. The wife wasn’t having a good time at the party. So, she came home early, alone. Her …

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Rectum Stretcher

While she was ‘flying’ down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, ‘What’s your hurry?’ To …

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Poop Trucks Are Funny

5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1: A priest offered a Nun a lift… She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg….. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing …

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Sydney Radio Competition

This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you’ll see why! Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney . The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes.. The game is …

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2012 Social Security Stimulus Package

Just wanted to let you know – today I received my 2012 Social Security Stimulus Package. It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix, a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my ass, 2 discount coupons to KFC, an “Obama Hope & Change” bumper sticker, and a “Blame it on Bush” poster for the …

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Cigarettes & Tampons

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge …

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Understanding Women

(A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE) I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

Women’s Revenge

‘Cash, check or charge?’ I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. ‘So, do you always carry your TV remote?’ I asked. ‘No,’ she replied, ‘but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and …

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Woman’s Perfect Breakfast

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Blonde Phone Call

“Hi Mom, How are you?” “Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware” “Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they’ve let me make one phone call” “What happened?” “Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head.” “What on earth ~ why did you do …

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Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What w as the first thing your husband said to …

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