Tonight is a blood moon night, so I went outside and snapped some photos of what the blood moon looks like from where I am at. Here are a few photos I snapped of it.
Month: September 2015
Wrong Lion
Success
Growing up is a weird notion to wrap your mind around. As you go through life, your perspectives on almost everything will change. How you define success will change as well. Things that you thought were important at the age of 35 will be useless when you’re 65. You may not realize it now, but everything will shift.
At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.
It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not.
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10 Brutally Honest Thoughts I Probably Shouldn’t Say Out Loud
1. I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
3. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she’s probably very cross.
4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you’ve just met? That’s common sense leaving your body.
6. I don’t like making plans for the day….because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.
7. I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 1,508 days in a row.
8. I decided to change calling the bathroom “the John” and renamed it “the Jim”. I feel so much better saying “I went to the Jim this morning“.
9. Dear paranoid people, who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what’s your plan?
10. Politicians should have two terms – one in office and the other in prison.
Just remember Einstein’s comment: “There is a major difference between intelligence and stupidity; intelligence has its limits.”
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Aphorisms for the Year
– It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
– We have enough “youth.” How about a fountain of “smart”?
– A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.
– When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
– Learn from your parent’s mistakes — Use birth control.
– Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
– If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
– We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things just get worse. Red meat is not bad for you, fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
– Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
– Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.
– Alabama state motto: At least we’re not Mississippi.
– Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
– The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population and the majority of them don’t know that.
– “I think politicians should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate and union sponsors.”
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Sunburst Yellow Squash
I just got back from the supermarket where I came across a funny thing I’ve never seen before. A sunburst yellow squash. Never knew it existed on this planet. Needless to say, I was the only person in the store taking photos of the produce. Here is what they look like.
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Man Down
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.
“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.
”Put them back, we can’t afford them” demands the wife, they carry on shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.
“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.” That’s him in Aisle 5.