Author: Dave

I've always been curious about the world beyond my own backyard. While many people spend their entire lives close to where they were born, I've been fortunate enough to travel across the United States and around the world. Every place I've visited has challenged my assumptions in one way or another and reminded me that, despite our differences, people often have far more in common than they realize. I don't write to tell personal stories for the sake of telling them, and I don't believe every article needs to revolve around me. Instead, I enjoy using my experiences as a starting point for exploring larger ideas. Whether it's something I noticed while walking through a market overseas, a conversation with someone from another culture, or simply observing how different communities solve similar problems, I'm interested in the lessons those moments can teach all of us. Travel has given me perspective, but it has also taught me humility. The more places I visit, the more I realize there is still to learn. Every culture has something worth appreciating, and every journey has a way of expanding how we see the world and our place within it. When I write, my goal is simple: to share thoughtful observations, compare perspectives, and encourage curiosity. I hope readers come away having learned something new—not just about another place, but about the world we all share. If one of my articles inspires someone to look at a familiar idea differently, ask a new question, or venture a little farther than they otherwise might have, then I've accomplished exactly what I set out to do.

Minnesotan Hunter

Dave

Lyle was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his foolish dog Ginger knocked the gun over, it went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin. Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his doctor, Sven.

“Vell Lyle , I got some good news and some bad news. Da good news is dat you are going to be OK. Da damagevas local to your groin, dere was very little internal damage, and Ivas able to remove all of da buckshot.
“What’s the bad news?”, asks Lyle.
“The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister,Lena .”

“Well, I guess that isn’t too bad,” says Lyle . “Is your sister a plastic surgeon?”

“Not exactly,” Sven says. “She’s a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she’s going to teach you vhere to put your fingers, so you don’t piss in your eye.

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My Favorite Animal

Dave

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”
She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”

Guess where I am now…

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Spice It Up

Dave

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband sipping a glass of wine.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs wide enough that her husband asks, “Are you wearing crotchless panties?”

“Y-e-s,” she answers with a seductive smile.

“Thank God – I thought you were sitting on the cat.”

He never saw the glass coming.

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Las Vegas Billboards

Dave

This weekend I decided to drive on over to Las Vegas to check out the action. Along the way I snapped photos of some of the billboards with awesome DJ’s. Calvin Harris is playing at Omnia nightclub at Caesar’s Palace. Hardwell is playing at Hakkasan at the MGM Grand. And DJ Tiesto is playing at Hakkasan at the MGM Grand. Should be awesome events!

Tiesto_Las_Vegas_BillboardHardwell_Las_Vegas_BillboardCalvin_Harris_Las_Vegas_Billboard

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Love at 81

Dave

Maude and Claude, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida. They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each others’ company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town. Despite their ages, they ended up at his place for an after-dinner drink.

Things continued along a natural course and with age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay. As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they’d shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts…..Claude was thinking: ‘If I’d known she was a virgin, I’d have been gentler.’
Maude was thinking: ‘If I’d known he could still do it, I’d have taken off my pantyhose.’

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Hollywood Squares

Dave

Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q.. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be.
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it..

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years…
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..

Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?
A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.

Q.. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the NAVY.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected..

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

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Sweater

Dave

A blond was speeding down the highway knitting a sweater, yes a sweater. A police officer notices this, pulls up next to her, and yells! “PULL OVER”, “No” she politely replies, a turtleneck.

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Socrates

Dave

In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?”

“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied, “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”
‘Triple filter?” asked the acquaintance.

“That’s right,” Socrates continued, “Before you talk to me about Diogenes let’s take a moment to filter what you’re going to say.. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it.”

“All right,” said Socrates, “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you’re not certain it’s true?”

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, “You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?”

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.

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Liquor Store Robber

Dave

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

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Corner Store Robber

Dave

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21”. The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

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Speed Trap

Dave

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

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The World’s Dumbest Bank Robbery

Dave

A man intent on robbing a downtown Bank of America walked into the branch and wrote the following note: “Put all your muny in this bag.”

While standing in line and waiting to hand the note to the teller, he began to worry that someone might have seen him write it and would call the police before he reached the window. Growing increasingly nervous, he left the Bank of America, crossed the street, and walked into a Wells Fargo branch instead.

After waiting a few minutes in line at Wells Fargo, he handed the note to the teller. She read it and, judging from the spelling errors that he wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, informed him that she couldn’t accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip. She explained that he would either need to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or return to Bank of America.

Looking thoroughly defeated, the man simply said, “OK,” and walked out.

He was arrested a few minutes later while standing back in line at Bank of America.

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Boeing Aircraft Raft

Dave

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747’s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

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