I went to the supermarket today and there was this cool display by Shock Top beer. Personally, I’ve never heard of Shock Top before, but I think their jack-o-lantern is pretty cool. Here are a couple of photos so you can see for yourself.
Happy Independence Day 2015. On July 2nd 1776 is when American declared independence from England. It wasn’t until August 2nd, 1776 when all members actually signed the declaration. Either way, this is the only American holiday during the summer and it means many things to many different people. It is a good time to enjoy the summer. It is a good chance to spend time with family. It is a time to show patriotism and honor all of those both past and present who are making so many sacrifices for the good ole United States of America.
On this Memorial Day 2015, remembering all who served and paid the ultimate price for the United States.
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,What day is tomorrow?”
Without skipping a beat she said, “It’s Presidents Day!” .
She’s smart, so I asked her “What does Presidents Day mean?”
I was waiting for something about Barack Obama, George W. Bush or Bill Clinton, etc. She replied, “Presidents Day is when the
President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have 4 more years of bull shit.”
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.
This Is Why I Don’t Put Christmas Lights On A Palm Tree.
Dear Santa,
How are you ?…How is Mrs. Claus ? I hope the reindeer and the elves are all doing fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,
Timmy Jones
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think, instead of video things, I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “Naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks more like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
Now look here Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this, but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want…You got that, chubby ?
T-Bone
Listen to me Pizza Face,
Seriously ?…You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a hot shot G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people. Things so bad that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s crib. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by where you stays to stomp a mud hole in yo ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
Claws
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy
Timmy,
That’s what I thought you said…you little bastard.
Santa
A couple was Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and the whole place was heaving, packed with other last minute shoppers. Walking through the shopping centre the surprised wife looked up from a window display and noticed her husband was nowhere to be seen. She knew they had lots still to do and she became very upset.
She rummaged in her handbag and found her mobile phoned then used it to call her husband to ask him where he was.
The husband in a calm voice replied: “Darling, you remember the jewellery shop we went into five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that one day I would get it for you….?”
His wife’s eyes filled with tears of emotion, she began to cry softly and stifling a sob she whispered: “Yes, I remember that jewellery shop…”
“Well,” he said, “I’m in the pub next to it!”
Went to Tokyo Disneyland and had a spectacular time. It was really neat and a lot of fun. Disney sure is top notch. They pay attention to the smallest details. Here are some photos and a video of the experience.
If men start baking Christmas cookies.
Happy 2010! With every new year there are things we reflect upon and things we look forward to. In 2009 we have tried to post a lot more content to the website as time permitted, to include adding many more jokes. For 2010 we will continue to try to add more content, as well as , improve on the ease of use for both the website and for the photo gallery. Although this gallery has served its purposed, it isn’t as user friendly as it could be. We will try to rectify that.
On a more personal note, us here at The Kumachan hope the new year brings much happiness, good health, and good fortune. Now lets get posting to welcome in 2010 with a roar. Cheers!
This year for New Year’s Eve, I decided to go to Shibuya, Tokyo. I went to a dance club called Womb. On the way to club Womb I passed a couple other clubs and there were lines out the door. This club seemed as though it was more low key as there was a door man and no sign out front. Once inside the club it cost 5,000 Yen per person, then another 500 yen for them to store the items you have and then 500 yen per drink. Once I got through the door, there was about 30 minutes before midnight, and I went into this small room. While waiting in line for a drink I started talking to another person and I asked them if this was the whole club. He said no it wasn’t and to go upstairs. So I decided to fight through all the people trying to get into the front door to head for the stairs. Once I got upstairs this place was packed with people. The room had a couple DJ’s on one side of the room with a huge disco ball hanging from the ceiling and a bar in the back of the room and laser lights projecting onto a huge screen the exact time it was until the countdown began. Everywhere between there were people packed so tight that when the crowd moved, everybody in the room moved. I stayed in this room until the turn of the new year, probably because it was so tight in there that I couldn’t move, then I decided to go upstairs to see what else this club had to offer. There were a couple more rooms with Hi-NRG techno music playing, but it wasn’t long that I got sick of being stuck in the crowd. I ended up leaving there and going to a more low key bar and stayed in there until about 6 A.M. It was a fun night and definitely a cool experience, but I was amazed that there wasn’t more people passing out and needing to be rushed to the hospital.
Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.
Santa wrote back: “Send me your mother…”
After several weeks of nagging from my dear wife I finally put up the Christmas Lights. I mean she would not let up! It’s a good thing I love her!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween-night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER…
FASTER…
BUMP…
BUMP…
BUMP….
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…
clappity-BUMP…on his heels, as the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…and, The coffin stops.
