Government Job
A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Have you been in the service?” “Yes,” he says. “I was in Vietnam for three years”. The interviewer says, “That will give you…
Category: Humor
One Smart Gator
Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near Washington, DC. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I cain”t unnerstand how you kin be so much bigger ”n me. We”re the same age, we…
How To Avoid The Flu
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a…
A Mother Suspects
Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian”s mother couldn”t help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian”s room mate, Stephanie, was. Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and…
C-130 Pilot’s Story
“There I was at six thousand feet over central Iraq, two hundred eighty knots and we”re dropping faster than Paris Hilton”s panties. It”s a typical September evening in the Persian Gulf; hotter than a rectal thermometer and I”m sweating like…
Confession
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand in the weak light, tears running down her face. Her praying woke him from his slumber. He looked up, pale lips moving…
Bad Day at Work
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in…
When I Was a Kid
When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year…
Male or Female?
You may not know that many non-living things have a gender. For example: 1.) Ziploc Bags — They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. 2.) Copiers — They are Female, because once…
Circle Flies
An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. “You were speeding,” the cop said. “I’m going to have to give you a ticket.” “Yep,” the farmer said as he watched the…
Rejection Line
In case you meet anybody who you don”t want to give your telephone number to, but you do anyway because you feel bad – try this instead: Rejection line: If you are a woman/man and are constantly approached by unattractive…
Stupid Statistics
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas…
3 Certainties
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 60s or early 70s. “Can I help you?” she asked. “I want to see Natalie’ the man replied. “Sir, Natalie is one…
Poker Player
Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he couldn”t help but notice that Bill”s wife Sue”s, legs were spread wide and…
Napkins for a special occasion
My mother taught me to read when I was three years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then…
Want to Curl Up and Die?
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?” I turned around and walked back out and never. My husband…
Signs You’ve Grown Up
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can”t smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when…