Category: Humor

Anger Management

Sometimes when you are angry with someone, it helps to sit down and think about the problem.

50th Anniversary

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. ‘Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,’ gushed son number one …. ‘Sorry I’m running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn’t …

Continue reading

Buttercups and Golfballs

Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden . . .POOF!! In a flash and puff …

Continue reading

A Cat Named Lucky

Hallmark Writers

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day…….. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire… I noticed your cat. Sorry! Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don’t fret about it.. . She moved in with me. Looking back …

Continue reading

Urologist

My internist referred me to a female urologist. I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous. She’s beautiful and unbelievably sexy. She told me that I have to stop masturbating. I asked her why and she said, “Because I’m trying to examine you…”

How To Recognize A Persian Cat

You Finish?

The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled …

Continue reading

Military Humor

Pastor Fluff

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn’t happy! He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to …

Continue reading

Cats and Dogs

How To Give A Cat A Pill 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill …

Continue reading

Ever Wonder Where the Term “Dickhead” Came From?

A Beer Before It Starts

Sears Cajun Catalog

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Boudreaux says to Thibodeaux, ‘Did you see de purty girls in dis catalog?’ Thibodeaux replies, ‘Yes, dey are vary beautiful. And look at de price!’ Boudreaux says, with wide eyes, ‘Wow, dey don’t cost much. At dis price, I’m gonna to buy …

Continue reading

Bangkok Bar

A Real Man’s Grill

Free to a Good Home

* Free to good home. * Excellent guard dog. * Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat. * Most of them knew him as “Holy Shit.”

Golfing Nun Cursed

A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair; she lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. ‘ What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior, ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’ ‘It was,’ sighed the Sister, ‘and I went to play golf with my brother. …

Continue reading

Hearing Problems

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your …

Continue reading

Words Women Use:

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2.) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game …

Continue reading

Golf Sign in Arizona

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona: 1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN. 4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING. 5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER. 6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 7. IF YOU ARE TAKING …

Continue reading

This is One Pissed Off Cat

Drunk Walks Out of a Bar

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches “Can I help you sir?” “Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr” the man replies. The cop asks “Where was your car the last time you saw it” …

Continue reading

New Wiper Blades

I got a new set of wiper blades on my car. I think they might be too long because they hang over the edges a little, but I don’t care, they work great. I would have to say that they are the only blades I have ever had that I actually like to watch. It’s …

Continue reading

Bobby Ray and Susie May Getting Down

Bobby Ray and Susie Jane were fooling around out in the cornfield when Bobby Ray said, “Oh Susie Jane, I am getting so horny, you just have to let me have some.” Susie Jane said, “Well, maybe I will, but it is going to cost you a quarter.” Bobby Ray dug down in his pocket …

Continue reading

New Cowboy Boots

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas, ‚Ä®Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. ‚Ä®‚Ä® Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and‚Ä® said to his wife, ‘Notice anything different about me?’‚Ä®‚Ä® Margaret looked him over. ‘Nope.’‚Ä®‚Ä® Frustrated, Bert …

Continue reading

Sometimes it’s Better to Have a Small One!

Robot Lie Detector

John was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, …

Continue reading

Evolution of the Television

Dusty Underwear

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!” His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the …

Continue reading

Buried at Sea

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up …

Continue reading