A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home.
1st kid says “A computer”.
Teacher replies “That’d be very useful.”
2nd kid says “a new lawn mower” and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says ” At my house we don’t need nothin.”
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, “no I’m sure.”
“When my sister started going out with a Muslim, I remember my dad saying,
“Well, that’s the last damned thing we need.”
Month: December 2011
December 10th, 2011 Lunar Eclipse Photos from Kanagawa, Japan
Cost of Living
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries!
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Too Many Immigrants in Britain?
Question – Are there too many immigrants in Britain?
17% said yes;
11% said No;
72% said “I am not understanding the question please.”
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New Gym Equipment
Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It provides me with everything I need – KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.”
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Japan Funny Erasers
Stopped by a dollar store (100Yen) store and I found these funny erasers. I thought they were neat enough to snap some photos. Some of these are actually pretty neat. Here are the photos.
7
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Thrown Out of School
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year! You’d better stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”
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Love the Hot Weather
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops….although, they do make me look a bit gay.
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Pedophile
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile!”and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
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Penis Enlarger
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did….she’s 21 and her name’s Lucy.
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Turned to Religion
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
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Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer
Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer:
I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS. I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed it to me. In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.
She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box. Something—body language, or the way she said it—made me want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what was she so afraid of.
She looked me right in the eye and said, “Not a fucking thing!”