February 2016 – Page 2

A Scouse Tale: Love, Secrets, and a Honeymoon Surprise

Dave 2016-02-17

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, ‘But we don’t know anything about each other.’

He said, ‘That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.’

So she agreed, they were soon married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, ‘That was incredible!’

He said, ‘I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about each other as we went along.’

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.

He said, ‘That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?’

‘No,’ she said, ‘I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey.

There’s Something You Don’t See Everyday

Dave 2016-02-16

Today as I was driving home from work, I was stopped at a red light and I looked over and saw a dinosaur tied up in the back of a pickup truck. I thought to myself, “There’s something you don’t see everyday.” Then I took a quick photo and drove home.

Julian Pies

Elmo 2016-02-15

「ジュリアンのパイは美味しいよ〜」との噂を聞いたので行ってみた。山側へドライブして雪が見たかったというのもある。勝手にジュリアンというレストランがあるのだと思っていた。着いてみたら多くの観光客が各レストランの前に並んでいた。駐車するのも一苦労だった。ジュリアンは小さな町で、レストラン・ホテル・お土産やさんが連なっており、ちょっとした観光地だった。パイ屋さんも数件あったが、JULIAN PIE COMPANYというベタな名前の長蛇の列に並んでみた。数種類のパイとクッキー、マフィンやドーナッツ等があった。$1.95の追加料金でホイップクリーム、アイスクリーム、シナモンソース、キャラメル等のトッピングも可能。コーヒーとホットココアの飲み物があり、水は無料だった。小さい店内で正面入り口前と裏にちょっとしたテラス席があり、そこで食べられるようになっていた。スライスとホールの購入レジが分かれていたので、スライスの方に並んだ。ホームメイド・アップルパイにした。一切れが大きくてThe American Pieでビックした。$3.50だった。味は甘さ控えめ。りんごの酸っぱさも適度にあり、おばあちゃんの手作り感満載で噂通りに美味しかった。気に入ったのでホールでも購入($14.95)。冷蔵庫で保存して１週間。食べる前にレンジで軽く温めてアイスを載せると美味しさが増した。普段パイを食べない娘も気に入って毎日のおやつになった。ジュリアンのレストランも美味しいと高評価だったので、機会があれば今度は食事をしに行ってみたい。

We heard ” The pie of Julian is delicious!” We wanted to see snow to mountain side too. so we went to Julian.
I thought that there was a restaurant called Julian. But Julian is a small town and good sight-seeing spot. They have many restaurant and hotel and Souvenir shop. Many tourists lined up in front of each restaurant when we arrived.
We had a hard time parking.
A pie shop was several, we lined up in the long line of the name called JULIAN PIE COMPANY. They have Many kinds of pies and cookie & muffin. Pie topping is whip cream and ice cream and cinnamon sauce and caramel with an additional charge ($1.95).
Drink menu is coffee and hot cocoa, and the water was free. The shop is small. However, there is a terrace seat in front and behind a shop. A purchase cash register of the slice was different from a hall. We lined up toward the slice.

I had a homemade apple pie. One slice was big. It was $3.50. The taste is a sweetness reserve. The sourness of the apple was moderate, too and it was full of the handmade feelings of grandmother and was delicious on a rumor street. I bought it in the hall ($14.95). I save it in the refrigerator one week. When I warmed pie before eating. my daughter usually did not eat pie.but she want to eat it every day for a snack. The restaurant of Julian was a high recommend on Yelp. If there is an opportunity, I want to go to the restaurant too.

Texas Gun Control

Dave 2016-02-13

Little Larry the Fighter Pilot

Dave 2016-02-11

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Larry says: “I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Casablanca a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.”

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.

“And how about you, Sarah?”

“I wanna be Larry’s whore.”

Logical Law Student

Dave 2016-02-10

A young law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?”

Professor: “Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?”

Student: “Okay. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my grade as it is. If you can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll give me an ‘A’.

Professor: “Hmmmm, all right. So what’s the question?”

Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”
The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can’t crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student‘s failing mark into an ‘A’ as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. Finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer . . . “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

“All right” says the professor, and asks his favorite student to answer . . .

“It’s quite easy, sir,” says the student. “You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30-year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22-year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife‘s lover failed his exam, but you’ve just given him an ‘A’, which is neither legal, nor logical.”

Carolina Panthers TopCat Cheerleaders

Dave 2016-02-01

In preparation for the National Football League Super Bowl 50, where the Carolina Panthers took on the Denver Broncos, I decided to share the only stuff I have of either team. These videos are of the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders, the TopCats, when they came to military installations in the Pacific. These videos were taken on February 4, 2012. It was a real pleasure to meet these lovely ladies and to actually see them in action.