A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn’t even an American. So I said
that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!. And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.
Category: Government
Our Future Generation
Ideal Man For The Job
This guy would make an ideal politician and probably do a better job than any we have today. At least he has what is needed in Washington…
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They Sent My Census Form Back
In answer to the question, ‘Do you have any dependents?’, I put … ’12 million illegal immigrants, crack heads, unemployable bastards, the cast of The Jerry Springer Show, 140,000 people in our 133 penal establishments in California, leftovers from Katrina, half of Mexico, much of the Congress & staff, most of the Senate and a President!’… Apparently this wasn’t an acceptable answer.
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Why Did Bernie Madoff Go To Prison?
Why did Bernie Madoff go to prison? To make it simple, he talked people into investing with him. Trouble was, he didn’t invest their money. As time rolled on he simply took the money from the new investors to pay off the old investors. Finally there were too many old investors and not enough money from new investors coming in to keep the payments going.
Next thing you know Madoff is one of the most hated men in America and he is off to jail. Some of you know this. But not enough of you.
Madoff did to his investors what the government has been doing to us for over 70 years with Social Security. There is no meaningful difference between the two schemes, except that one was operated by a private individual who is now in jail, and the other is operated by politicians who enjoy perks, privileges and status in spite of their actions.
Do you need a side-by-side comparison here? Well here’s a nifty little chart.
BERNIE MADOFF
1. Takes money from investors with the promise that the money will be invested and made available to them later.
2. Instead of investing the money Madoff spends it on nice homes in the Hamptons and yachts.
3. When the time comes to pay the investors back Madoff simply uses some of the new funds from newer investors to pay back the older investors.
4. When Madoff’s scheme is discovered all hell breaks loose. New investors won’t give him any more cash.
5. Bernie Madoff is in jail.
SOCIAL SECURITY
1. Takes money from wage earners with the promise that the money will be invested in a “Trust Fund” (Lock Box) and made available later.
2. Instead of depositing money in a Trust Fund the politicians transfer it to the General Revenue Fund and use it for general spending and vote buying.
3. When benefits for older investors become due the politicians pay them with money taken from younger and newer wage earners to pay the older people.
4. When Social Security runs out of money the politicians try to force the taxpayers to send them some more; or they cancel S/S to all those who paid into it.
5. Politicians remain in Washington… with fat medical and retirement benefits.
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Virginia Earth Quake Fault line
Just released by the White House Press Corp – Today, President Barack Obama re-named the fault line in Virginia where the recent earth quake struck, Bush’s Fault. No other details were given.
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American History
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said, ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?”
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodiaki a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: ‘Patrick Henry, 1775’he said.
‘Very good!’
Who said, ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?’
Again, no response except from Little Hodiaki, ‘Abraham Lincoln, 1863’.
‘Excellent!’, said the teacher continuing, ‘let’s try one a bit More difficult…’
Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?’
Once again, Hodiaki’s was the only hand in the air and he said; ‘John F. Kennedy, 1961’.
The teacher snapped at the class, ‘Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Hodiaki isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.’
She heard a loud whisper: ‘F..k the Japs,’
‘Who said that? I want to know right now!’ she angrily demanded.
Little Hodiaki put his hand up, ‘General MacArthur, 1945.’
At that point, a student in the back said, ‘I’m gonna puke.’
The teacher glares around and asks, ‘All right!!! Now who said that!?’
Again, Little Hodiaki says, ‘George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.’
Now furious, another student yells, ‘Oh yeah? Suck this!’
Little Hodiaki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
‘Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!’
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, ‘You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.’
Little Hodiaki frantically yells at the top of his voice, ‘Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.’
The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, ‘Oh shit, We’re screwed!’
Little Hodiaki said quietly, ‘the American people, November 4, 2008.’
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Bumper Sticker
If you voted for Obama in 2008 to prove you’re not a racist, vote for someone else in 2012 to prove you’re not an idiot.
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Sequoyah Birthplace Museum
Today I went to the Sequoyah birthplace museum near Vonore, Tennessee. This was a very interesting museum because it talked about Sequoyah and the Cherokee Indians. In the museum they talked about the Trail of Tears which relocated the Cherokee indians from Tennessee to Oklahoma. There was all sorts of artifacts and information. Here are my photos from that experience. If you are interested in visiting or learning more, please click this link: http://www.sequoyahmuseum.org
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White House Situation Room
California vs Texas: What To Do About An Attack By A Wild Coyote
California:
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.
- The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
- He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 for testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
- He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 for testing it for diseases.
- The Governor goes to a hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and having his bite wound bandaged.
- The running trail gets shut down for six months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
- The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.
- The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
- The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training regarding the nature of coyotes.
- PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million lawsuit against the State.
Texas:
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
- The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow-point cartridge.
- The buzzards eat the dead coyote.
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A Good Catholic Joke
The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”
Obama replied, “I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand….Show me!”
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!
AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY!
Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?
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Confusion
Well, Obama recently signed the bill that allows gays to serve openly in the Military,
No more don’t ask don’t tell.
But what has he really done causes more confusion in the ranks.
This is what now can happen. So for the moment, imagine………………..
You’re in a combat situation, the enemy is firing at you, and running toward your position……..
The guy next to you is openly gay, when someone yells out……….
“Shoot the cocksucker!”
Now do you see the confusion?
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A Dog’s Intuition
Have you ever heard that a dog ‘knows’ when an earthquake is about to hit? Have you ever heard that a dog can ‘sense’ when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away? Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed? Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire? Somehow they always know when they can ‘go for a ride’ before you even ask and how do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?
I’m a firm believer that animals – and especially dogs – have keen insights into the Truth. And you can’t tell me that dogs can’t sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance. Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn’t right … when impending doom is upon us . . . they’ll always try to warn us…!
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Casa D’Ice Restaurant Signs
Casa D’Ice Restaurant is just 10 miles southeast of Pittsburgh in North Versailles, PA ). The owner changes the signs whenever he gets another idea…Or just wants to make a [political] statement and WOW! The only problem? He uses some pretty foul language to make his points.
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Kentucky Fried Chicken Political Bucket
Fairy Tale
Top Secret
TOP SECRET
This was sent to me by an associate in the surveillance field. I am sharing it with friends and family on a need to know basis. I can not vouch for its validity.
SECURITY PHOTO: CONFIDENTIAL
The photo is a video capture from a security camera located in the North Corridor that leads to the Senate floor in the US Capitol Building.
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Mexican Boarder Wall Problem Solved
Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border, take the dirt and raise the levies in New Orleans, and then put the Florida alligators into the border moat!
Any other problems you would like for me to solve?
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G.W. Bush Intelligence
After numerous rounds of “We don”t know if Osama is still alive,” Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he E-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain”s MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:
“Tell the President he”s holding the message upside down.”