Author's posts
Old Virus
1. THE AL GORE Virus….(Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting) 2. THE CLINTON Virus….(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory) 3. THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus…(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy) 4. THE LEWINSKY Virus…(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone …
Fifty Dollars
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I”d like to ride in that airplane.” Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.” One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and …
Difference Between Men and Women Showering
How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note …
Chores
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. “Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little irritated so he goes to feed the chickens and he kicks a …
For Veteran’s Day
I watched the flag pass by one day, It fluttered in the breeze. A young Marine saluted it, And then he stood at ease.. I looked at him in uniform So young, so tall, so proud, With hair cut square and eyes alert He”d stand out in any crowd. I thought how many men like …
Questions & Answers
Q: What’s a mixed feeling?A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q: What’s the height of conceit?A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. Q: What’s the definition of macho?A: Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?A: …
Home Wireless Network Users Need to Properly Secure Their Networks From Threats
In recent years, technology has been rapidly developing. This development introduced us to the Internet, commercial networks, and even home networks to move towards using wireless networks. In America, home networks are the vast majority of users on the Internet. Since home networks are the majority of users on the Internet, you will learn about …
Who is Jack Schitt
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, “You don”t know Jack Schitt!” Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, …
Want to work here?
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spousal abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses 3 have done time …
Configure Your Apple Computer to Connect to Your Wireless Linksys Router
If you have an Apple computer using an airport extreme card and want to connect it to your wireless Linksys router using WEP, you”ll be surprised that it is not as difficult as you may think. Initially when I was trying to get my iMac connected to my wireless Linksys router I was running into …
Game Cube Sucks
Game Cube is a half-hearted effort at a real gaming system! Everything from the miniture sized gaming system that takes proprietary game disks, to the fact that it doesn”t have a network connection built in. The thing that really sucks with a game cube is that whether you stay at home or take your gaming …
Circumcised?
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him …
Air Traffic Humor
Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!” Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We have digital watches!” 2.) One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back …
Homeowners in Hawaii Need to Maximize Use of Solar Energy
As many people in Hawaii know, there is an abundance of sunlight in the state. This paper is going to explain to you why homeowners in Hawaii should maximize use of solar energy. First, this article will cover some of the reasons why many homeowners currently do not utilize our largest natural energy source, followed …
The Prisoner
A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and guns, but all he finds is a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair. While …
Breakfast
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful … CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my Gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to …
Red Skeleton’s Tips for a Happy Marriage
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson. 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding …
Olympic Commentators, OOPS!
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.” 2. Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I …
Unlocking Career Success: The Degree Dilemma and Beyond
After high school, the majority of students have their sights set on attending college to further their education. But have you ever wondered what an associate’s degree truly offers? This question piqued my curiosity, leading me to seek insights from seasoned business professionals who had already obtained their degrees. I wanted to understand the real …
Despite the Score the Washington Redskins Beat the Dallas Cowboys
I don”t care what that final score was, the Washington Redskins beat the Dallas Cowboys. I”ll do a little recap for you. The first quarter (to set up Dallas”s first touchdown) Washington was called for a pass interference which was clearly offensive pass interference on Dallas. The Dallas receiver pushed the Washington cornerback down. That”s …
Is Reverse Racism Culturally Accepted?
The subject of the “race card” has been way over played time and time again. Its probably because everybody is sick of hearing about how 20 year old punk kids were repressed for so many years simply because they were black. As well all know, that’s bullshit! That is just an angle that people know …
Is Your Glass Half Full or Half Empty?
Have you ever heard somebody say, “Is your glass half full or half empty?” I was in Okinawa in 2000, when I went to Airman Leadership School. It was a management school for the United States Air Force. The school seemed like a bunch of propaganda to “re-blue” you for the Air Force. In other …
Redskins Downed by the Giants
On Sunday the Washington Redskins were defeated by the New York Giants 20 – 14. During this game Mark Brunell left the game with a pulled muscle and throwing 1 interception. Then the infamous Patrick Ramsey stepped into the game and threw 3 more interceptions. All in all the Redskins had 7 turnovers. That is …
Redskins Down the Buccaneers
The Washington Redskins downed the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 16 to 10 in season opener. During this game Clinton Portis rushed for 148 yards to include a 64 yard touchdown on his first carry. Tampa Bay scored their only touchdown off a fumble from a sloppy handoff between Mark Brunell and Clinton Portis. All in all …
Insomnia Problem Solved
I figured out how to solve the problem of not being able to sleep. I”ve learned that if I drink a glass of milk it makes me tired so I have an easier time falling asleep. That means no more sleeping pills. I guess dairy products help make you relax. Either way, problem solved.
Apple releases the G5 iMac
Apple has really done it this time by releasing the new iMac with the G5 processor. This computer packs a lot of punch all into one little sleek design. I really like this design because it saves a whole lot of space, but the shear power of this computer is mind blowing. From what I’ve …
Washington Redskins Down the Miami Dolphins
The Washington Redskins beat the Miami Dolphins 17 to 0 to put Washington 2 -1 in the preseason. During this game Mark Brunell passed completed 7 of 9 passes for 79 yards. While the Redskins running game was lead by Clinton Portis who had 37 yards and Rock Cartwright who finished with 33 yards. All …
Bear guzzles Rainier Beer and Passes Out
This is some real news here. I found this article on CNN today. They hold all rights and copyrights to the material they have written, but this story is one that you have to read. It is exactly quoted off CNN as follows: Wednesday, August 18, 2004 Posted: 9:12 PM EDT (0112 GMT) SEATTLE, Washington …
Redskins Downed by the Pathers
The Washington Redskins lost to the Carolina Panthers 23 to 20 in overtime. The Redskins started Patrick Ramsey, which I believe I said he needs to be the 3rd string quarterback as he proved once again as he only completed 4 of 11 passes for 62 yards and 1 interception. Mark Brunell took over for …