A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.
Author: Dave
I've always been curious about the world beyond my own backyard. While many people spend their entire lives close to where they were born, I've been fortunate enough to travel across the United States and around the world. Every place I've visited has challenged my assumptions in one way or another and reminded me that, despite our differences, people often have far more in common than they realize.
I don't write to tell personal stories for the sake of telling them, and I don't believe every article needs to revolve around me. Instead, I enjoy using my experiences as a starting point for exploring larger ideas. Whether it's something I noticed while walking through a market overseas, a conversation with someone from another culture, or simply observing how different communities solve similar problems, I'm interested in the lessons those moments can teach all of us.
Travel has given me perspective, but it has also taught me humility. The more places I visit, the more I realize there is still to learn. Every culture has something worth appreciating, and every journey has a way of expanding how we see the world and our place within it.
When I write, my goal is simple: to share thoughtful observations, compare perspectives, and encourage curiosity. I hope readers come away having learned something new—not just about another place, but about the world we all share. If one of my articles inspires someone to look at a familiar idea differently, ask a new question, or venture a little farther than they otherwise might have, then I've accomplished exactly what I set out to do.
Redneck Murder
Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
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Remove the Curse
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.’
The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’
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Emergency Room
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’
‘Me neither, doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’
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Divorce Court
‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’the divorce Court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week.’
‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’
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Intelligence
A little boy went up to his father and asked: ‘Dad, where did my intelligence come from?’
The father replied. ‘Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, ’cause I still have mine.’
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Family Trends
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Bill said, ‘I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?’
Larry replied, ‘I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?’
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Motivational Posters #8
The Devil and the Old Man
Big People Words
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use ‘Big People words,’ she was always reminding them.
She asked John what he had done over the weekend?
‘I went to visit my Nana.’
‘No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use ‘Big People’ words!’
She then asked Mitchell what he had done ‘I took a ride on a choo-choo.’
She said. ‘No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use ‘Big People’ words.’
She then asked little Alex what he had done? ‘I read a book,’ he replied.
That’s WONDERFUL!’ the teacher said. ‘What book did you read?’
Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said: “Winnie the Shit.”
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Mood Buttons You Can’t Wear to Work
First Time at the Spa
Home Security Yard Sign
A Frugal Person’s Christmas Decorations
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON’T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE…WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON’T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE..NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.
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Thirsty Taliban
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.
The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?”
The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.”
The Taliban shouted, “Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!”
“OK,” said the old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.”
Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said, “Your fucking brother won’t let me in without a tie!”
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Proof That The World Is Nuts
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense!)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different in reverse?)
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than “going blind!”)
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins,who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let’s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. No golf clubs….I hear a 3 iron works well. The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England – but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, hermother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought!)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.
(Is this a great country or what?)
(Well, not as great as Guam!)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of? Did our government pay for this research?)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish don’t have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
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They Can’t Be At WalMart All the Time
Photo of a Wife
The old man goes to answer a knock at the door one evening only to find two sherrif deputy’s standing there.
“Sir, are you married?” One deputy asked.
“Why yes,” the old man replied “for 48 years.”
“Do you have a photograph of your wife sir?” the second deputy questioned.
The old man pulled a picture out his wallet and handed to the officers. They looked it over and handed it back to him.
“Sir, I’m sorry but it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
The old man says, “I know son, but she’s got a wonderful personality and she’s a great cook.”
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The Great Barroom Miscommunication of the Century
I was standing at the bar and this Chinese guy comes in and stands next to me…I said to him, “Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?”
He says “No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinee”?
“No”, I said…. “It’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer you slant eyed little prick.”