Category: Government

Working Mammals

Dave


Drove over to San Diego to see the pens where the United States Navy holds and cares for dolphins. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that the United States Navy gives these dolphins the very best care that they can give them, but it made me think about if the Navy should be using dolphins as working animals. The police use dogs as working animals to help sniff out drugs and bombs. Blind people use dogs to help aid for their loss of vision. Autistic people even use dogs to assist them. Is an animal’s life less valuable than a human life? Should dolphins be used to help find and identify potential threats to naval ships? If they are used in that regard why not use them to attack and do harm to others as well? Where do you draw the line for working animals? Should animals be used as combatants or kept as non-combatants? Koreans use dogs to smell out and track down north Korean defectors. Then again Koreans eat dogs too, so they might not hold animals in the highest regard. Should it be acceptable for the United States to use animals to protect the lives of American combatants and naval ships?

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United States and Mexico Border Wall

Dave

For those who are angry at Donald Trump for suggesting that he will build a wall to separate the United States and Mexico, have no reason to actually be angry at Donald J. Trump. It will be rather difficult for him to build a wall where there is already a wall that separates the United States and Mexico. These photos were taken in California separating San Diego and Tijuana. As you can see Mexico has a lot of houses and businesses near the border, but there was not very much on the United States side.

It is the same thing as if you want to keep trespassers off your land. You put up a fence. Does it completely stop them? No. Does it deter most? Yes. If you don’t think a wall or fence work, try asking Mongolia how well a wall works. Fencing companies aren’t going out of business anytime too soon. Why do you think that is? Because they do work.

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Things You May Not Know About Donald Trump

Dave

Specifications:

  • Donald John Trump, was born June 14, 1946.
  • He will be 70 years old on election day.
  • From the Internet, he is 6’2″ or 6’3′ and weighs between 195 and 200 lbs.
  • He has a full head of blond/brown hair (which is long and elaborately combed) and blue eyes.
  • The Internet tells us he wears a size 12 shoe.
  • Donald Trump was born the fourth of five children who were born over eleven years.
  • The oldest, Mary Ann, was born in 1937 and is currently a Federal Judge.
  • His older brother, Fred Jr, died in early adulthood as a result of complications from alcoholism.
  • He has another older sister, Elizabeth and a younger brother, Robert.
  • Donald Trump has been married three times.
  • Trump’s first wife, Ivana, was an immigrant from Czechoslovakia and a divorcee who has been married 4 times in her life. She is a life long avid skier and worked in design at the Trump Organization.
  • Marla Maples, Trump’s second wife is an actress and model
  • Trump’s third wife, Melania is an immigrant from Slovenia (born in Yugoslavia) and has been a super model.
  • Two of Trump’s children, Donald Jr and Ivanka, have gone to Penn. Son Eric, went to Georgetown.
  • Donald Trump tells us that he is Presbyterian.
  • Donald Trump  does not appear to have had any interest in occults, mysticism or exotic mythologies.
  • Donald Trump’s oldest daughter, Ivanka, and her three children are Jewish.
  • Trump’s oldest daughter, Ivanka, is married to Jared Kushner who is, among other things, a newspaper publisher. The Kushner family is very successful in New York City area real estate.
  • Donald’s grandmother, mother, first wife, and third wife are all immigrants.
  • Donald Trump was born and raised in Queens NY
  • Though his family was very wealthy, Trump’s boyhood home in the Jamaica Estates section of Queens was not a grand mansion. The Trump home was a larger version of the homes Fred Trump was building for his tenants.
  • There are no indications that the Trump family lived among the wealthy elites on vacations or country clubs.
  • Queens is the largest of New York’s five boroughs and the most ethnically diverse.
  • Trump attended a local private day school, the Kew Forrest School, in Queens until about 8th grade.
  • His secondary schooling was at New York Military Academy which is about 60 miles north of NYC in Cornwall on the Hudson. He was the class of 1964.
  • Trump was never a “Preppie”.
  • Trump never embraced any aspect of the “Hippie” movement of the time.
  • Trump was a very good high school athlete – football, soccer, and especially baseball. He had potential to become a professional baseball player.
  • Even in high school – Trump liked women and women liked him
  • Trump was generally popular in high school.
  • Trump’s boarding school room mate liked him.
  • He attended Fordham University in NYC for two years and transferred to the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business.
  • At that time, the Wharton School offered a rare program for Real Estate Business.
  • Though he was of age, Donald Trump did not serve in Vietnam.
  • He was not drafted due to bone spurs in his heels (4F) and also student deferments.
  • Ultimately, in the draft lottery, he drew a high number.
  • By all we know, Donald Trump does not smoke, drink or use recreational drugs. He’ll be the first President in more than 25 years who hasn’t smoked weed.
  • BTW: Trump’s children don’t smoke or drink
  • Trump makes it well known that he enjoys sexual interaction with women.
  • I am unaware that Donald Trump is a recreational gambler.
  • His doctor publicly announced Donald to be in excellent health.

 

I think that to really know Donald Trump, you must know his family background.

The Trump family story is a very American story.

 

Trump family history – concise version.

  • Donald Trump’s grandparents immigrated to the U.S. from Alsace (Kallstadt, Germany) which throughout history has been alternately French and German. The Trumps are German, originally speaking the same German dialect as the Amish of Lancaster County, PA.
  • His maternal grandparents lived in Scotland.
  • Freiderich (Drumph) Trump made a small but respectable fortune in the late 19th Century in the mining boom towns of the American Northwest.
  • He returned to Germany to marry his childhood neighbor, Elizabeth Christ.
  • The newly married Trumps resettled in the Borough of Queens NY
  • Freidrich was establishing a Real Estate business in Queens when he died suddenly at age 49 (1918).
  • In 1920, at the age of 15, Fred Trump (Freiderich’s son and Donald’s father), started a business partnership with his widowed mother called Elizabeth Trump & Son.
  • This business was built upon the real estate holdings that his father,Frederich, had amassed (worth about $500,000.00 in today’s dollars). This is the original “seed money” of the current Trump Organization.
  • Elizabeth & Fred remained close business partners her entire life (she died in 1966).
  • In 1936 Fred Trump (age 31) married Mary Ann MacLeod (age 24) of Stoneaway Scotland.
  • During the depression, Fred Trump built and successfully operated a supermarket (a new concept at the time) which was sold to King Kullen Co. and operates this day.
  • Fred Trump made a lot of money building housing for the military during WWII.
  • Fred Trump was investigated by the Justice Department for making “excessive profits” from government contracts.
  • All (or nearly all) of the building of Elizabeth Trump & Son’s non government building was residential property in Queens.
  • Fred Trump died in 1999 (age 94) – beloved and worth between $250 million and $300 million. His wife died a year later.

 

“The Donald’s” career

Donald Trump is the greatest career achiever of the “baby boomer” generation.

Donald Trump has reached the zenith in his careers as book author, TV entertainer, sports entertainer, Real Estate developer, and currently politician.

  • Donald Trump has authored more than 18 books. At least one of them, The Art of the Deal was a top seller.
  • Donald says that the Holy Bible is his favorite book. The Art of the Deal is his 2nd favorite book. And The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale is his third favorite book.
  • He likes golf. Donald Trump has developed more than 11 golf courses which bear his name.
  • Donald Trump has twice been nominated for an Emmy Award
  • Donald Trump has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
  • Donald Trump has been inducted to the Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame.
  • Donald Trump has appeared in more than a dozen movies such as Home Alone 2, Zoolander, and Little Rascals
  • Donald Trump has been a guest actor in more than 6 TV shows such as Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Days of Our Lives, Sex and the City, and others.
  • Trump has been the Executive Producer of 7 TV shows.
  • Trump has been the guest host of 5 TV shows such as Extra, Larry King Live, and Saturday Night Live and more.
  • Donald Trump has been co producer of the longest running reality TV show.
  • Donald Trump performed in several WWE wrestling shows.
  • Donald performed in Wrestlemania 23 which set attendance records and revenue records up til that time.
  • In his first candidacy for public office, Donald Trump received the most popular votes for the President of the United States out of a field of experienced and successful politicians. And in most cases, he achieved this with less money than any of his opponents.

Keeping in mind that 90% of start up businesses fail, Trump’s record of enterprise is nothing short of amazing.

Donald Trump has enjoyed success in at least 11 very different enterprises: Professional football, Ice Skating rinks, Fragrance, Ice, Steaks, Wines, Model management, Airline, blenders, Men’s wear, Bicycle races, world class beauty contests, and many others. In some of these, such as model management, his firm has risen to the top of that particular industry.

  • There are 31 buildings that bear his name.
  • The largest private real estate development in New York is Trump Riverside. Drive down the Henry Hudson Blvd. – you can’t miss them.
  • There are at least 12 Trump Towers
  • There are at least 6 Trump Plazas.
  • There are at least 11 Trump Golf Course developments
  • And much, much, more in real estate.
  • Trump Entertainment, casinos and resorts was recently sold to Carl Ichan.
  • Donald Trump’s personal managing of the Wollman Ice Skating Rink project in the early 1980’s is the quintessential case study for MBA students in Wharton, Harvard, and other business schools. His performance there was phenomenal.
  • Donald Trump’s privately held businesses have employed more than 200,000 people.
  • In the casino business in Atlantic City, Trump had to do business with known mobsters – and he stayed “clean” and alive.
  • Aside from his personal investments, Donald Trump has never been a Wall Street “player”.

The Political Trump:

about 1967 – 1987 – Democrat (he was a supporter of Ronald Reagan)

1987 – 1999 – Republican

1999 – 2001 – Reform Party (he supported Ross Perot)

2001 – 2009 – Democrat

2009 – 2011 – Republican

2011 – 2012 – Independent

2012 – Present – Republican

Donald Trump was openly supportive of Mitt Romney’s candidacy.

Donald Trump does not seem to hold political party organizations in high regard.

For the most part, his political involvement has been for practical reasons.

Donald Trump does not appear to be held to political ideology.

 

 

Some of my take aways:

  • Trump has an extraordinarily energetic central nervous system much like Teddy Roosevelt but more targeted to industry and enterprise.
  • Trump’s presidency will be very energetic, transparent, and communicative.
  • Trump will be a very hard working President.
  • His interaction with his older brother (who everybody loved) tells me that he thinks that everybody is like him – or wants to be – or should be.
  • His relationship with his older brother was a hard lesson in tolerance for him.
  • Trump is the Babe Ruth of career achievements.
  • He is dumb like a fox. When you think he just said something stupid – he didn’t. It’s just that you were not his target audience.
  • Trump knows the people – the folk.
  • His son, Donald Jr. is right. Trump is a “Blue Collar Billionaire”.
  • More than anything, his TV show, The Apprentice, was his passion. He wants all Americans to have confidence (like he does) to venture.
  • Donald Trump is attracted to and marries smart, high achieving women.
  • The highest levels of a Trump Administration is certain to have many women – and they will be bright and assertive.
  • Donald Trump’s children are very important to him. And it shows.

 

 

  1. Yes, we know virtually nothing of our current president with 2 terms in office.

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Republican Truck

Dave

I stopped by the Ford Dealership in Temecula yesterday, for a look at the new F-150 aluminum pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new truck “feel” before they become old.

The salesperson, a very nice looking black lady, wearing a “Hillary for President” lapel pin, sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its “wonderful” options. The seats were of particular interest.

She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.

Looking a bit angry, she asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.

I explained that if it were a Hillary truck, the seats would just blow smoke up your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership. She obviously has no sense of humor.

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Leninade – Get Hammered and Sickled in California

Dave

What the heck is happening in the super markets in California? I was in the super market and I came across a beverage called “Leninade” and their slogan is “Get hammered and sickled.” How the heck did something like this make its way into super markets in the United States? What kind of self-loathing, democratic, pigs would think it’s a good idea to sell this communist crap here? It just sickens me. What will I see next a nice “KGB” hand held radio?

thekumachan_Lenonade-1

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2016 United States Presidential Race Views

Dave

I’m an American trying to do my due diligence by paying attention to the political race that has been going on and when I look at the candidates this is what I see. Please be mindful that it is early and I haven’t had all the time in the world to research every candidate out there. I will let them filter each other out a bit, but so far these are the things I have seen.

Democrats:
Hilary Clinton – She was the secretary of state during the Benghazi attacks and did not support her ambassador in Libya at the time by providing more security when requested. She has never been held accountable for this and I personally think there is more to that story where they were running guns to the rebels through Benghazi, but I haven’t seen any real proof of that yet. She is under criminal investigation by the judicial branch, as she should be, and she is tight with Barrack Obama and wants to continue many of his terrible ideas. She had her own e-mail server and was conducting official government business on it and then she withheld e-mails an information. She obviously has something to hide and should not be trusted. She should not be allowed to possess a security clearance and this should prevent her from being a real candidate. She is out of touch with reality and quite frankly she belongs in jail. For some reason she is very slippery and seems to keep getting out of everything and from what I’ve seen it looks like this race is hers to lose. According to the polls does she have any real competition, other than herself, yet?
Bernie Sanders – Self-proclaimed socialist. He supports taking 90% of all of our income. I’ll just stop right there. The only question I have for him is what the heck are you doing in our country and working for our government?

Republicans:
Donald Trump – Successful businessman. Certainly possesses leadership qualities. Running by using his own money and therefore his vote should not be swayed by lobbyists. He’s arrogant and not very refined when he speaks, but he is a man of action and knows how to get things accomplished. He knows how to negotiate and he knows what it would take to support businesses and turn the economy around. His build a wall on the southern boarder idea is stupid. This is not Germany! I am very concerned that if he was president how many times would he open his mouth and offend or anger the allies of the United States or worse? I haven’t seen any real detailed ideas of how Trump intends to accomplish things, but I do feel he is the type of person who will select good people to surround himself with by selecting good cabinet members to get things accomplished.

Ben Carson – Successful brain surgeon. He seems to have a solid methodical way of looking at things and addressing things. He is refined and well thought out. He certainly has a good head on his shoulders. He might have some really good ideas of how to fix healthcare in the United States and propose something better than Obamacare. I don’t know how being a brain surgeon translates into a candidate for good foreign policy. I don’t know how brain surgery provides the experience for economic success.

Mike Huckabee – I’ve watched Mr. Huckabee on his Fox show for quite some time now and I like that he seems to have some common sense about him. He’s got experience as he was the governor of Arkansas. He wants to give the government a reality check and force it to start acting on behalf of the American people again. Honestly I don’t think he is going to go much further after the next debate, but I do like many of the things he says and some of the things he stands for.

Jeb Bush – Oh no! I think we need another Bush in office like we need a hole in our head. I haven’t seen any real substance from him other than he is bickering with Trump. He has stood behind and supported and defended his brother, as any good brother should. He was the governor of Florida, but spending doubled while he was governor. Recently he cut back his campaign staff which might show a sign that he doesn’t have money and needs more fundraising. If that is the case, his vote could be swayed by outside sources.

Now these are just a few candidates and things I have observed. When looking at these candidates I’m not seeing anybody with a military background or experience. Obama was a candidate with no experience and in my opinion he is the worst thing that has ever happened the United States. There is a long way to go and there are many other areas that I will be looking at when I observe the candidates, but for now have you seen something different from what I am seeing? Is my perception off or have I been seeing many of the same things that you have? Comments, feedback, and suggestions are very welcome. I look forward to any responses.

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Political Correctness

Dave

For the last six odd years, almost all of the things I wanted to write or say, have been stymied by that modern term referred to as ‘POLITICAL CORRECTNESS’.. Although I consider myself reasonably fluent in English, that term was not in my vocabulary. Curiosity got the better of me so I decided to do a little research, and after two weeks of chasing fruitless leads, I found what I’d been looking for at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence Missouri. An unnamed source there sent me copies of four telegrams between then-President Harry Truman and Gen Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the WW2 Surrender Agreement in September 1945.. The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received at the end of the war – not a word has been added or deleted!


(1) Tokyo, Japan
0800-September 1,1945
To: President Harry S Truman
From: General D A MacArthur
Tomorrow we meet with those yellow-bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions?

(2) Washington, D C
1300-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur
From: H S Truman
Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!

(3) Tokyo, Japan
1630-September 1, 1945
To: H S Truman
From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz
Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?


(4) Washington, D C
2120-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz
From: H S Truman
Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end!

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The Coyote Principle

Dave

an animal standing on grass

CALIFORNIA

– The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.
-The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
– He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
– He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
– The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
– The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
– The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.
– The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
– The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training for the nature of coyotes.
– PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.

TEXAS

– The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
– The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a 0.45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
– The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that is why California is broke and Texas is not.

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America’s Smartest President

Dave

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, Holly Madison said, “I have my own reality show and I am the smartest and prettiest woman at Playboy, so American’s don’t want me to die.” She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, “I’m a senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America.” So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.
The third passenger, Barack Obama said, “I am the President of the United States and I’m the smartest ever in the history of the country, some even call me the “Anointed One.” So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, “I have lived a full life and served my God to the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute. “The little girl said, “That’s ok, Mr. Graham. There’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.”

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2015 California Drought

Dave

You may have noticed in the news lately where the media has been discussing the California sever drought and water crisis. There are commercials that tell residents of California to conserve water and this affects everybody. I have heard that the majority of water consumption for the state of California is between the state government and commercial business and that only 5% is being consumed by consumers. I don’t know weather that is true or not, however I do know that California is an expensive state to live in. I haven’t been able to put a finger on exactly why it is so expensive. Now I know the answer why. This past weekend I drove up the I-5 to San Francisco and somewhere north of Los Angeles around Bakersfield all the way up to east of San Jose I found a huge issue why the state of California is so darn expensive to live in.

Here are some photos of what I saw along the way:


As you can see there isn’t a lot growing and it is arid, dry, and desert like.

Before long I started seeing signs along the roadway. Here are some of the signs I’ve seen:

I couldn’t believe what I saw. I saw signs stating that they need water to grow crops. One sign actually said, “millions paid and no water delivered.” I thought this was just the craziest thing I’ve seen. Why would anybody be trying to grow crops in this desert like area? I thought this would be a must better place to have solar or wind farms. It would be an excellent way to produce large amounts of electricity on land where much isn’t growing…well, I was surprised again. Before long I actually seen that fresh water was being pumped to this part of the state so that crops could grow. Here are the photos of the canal where water was being pumped.

Sure enough a little further down the road I saw farms that were growing everything from corn, to oranges, lemons, apples, wheat, almonds, and lots of other crops. Here are those photos:

Would you believe that they were actually raising cattle where the water was being pumped to? Here are those photos:

The weird thing was that in places where water wasn’t being pumped to, it was clear that things don’t grow there and here are some of those photos:

Now I don’t know whether it was a crack head, a hippie, or a politician who decided to have taxpayers pay millions and millions of dollars to pump precious California water to a desert area in order to grow crops, but I can assure you that the entire United States of America is not short on growing plenty of crops to feed the entire United States. It is very wasteful to pump water to this area of California in order to try to make things grow. I am actually really curious as to how much water is being lost by evaporation. I would guess that a high percentage of it is, since these water canals aren’t covered and water can freely evaporate. It would make a lot more sense for this area of California to put solar farms to provide energy that can be transmitted to other parts of the United States and have crops shipped to California. The electrical infrastructure is already here where these farms are. If you look in the background of some of the photos you will see power lines. It seems to me that the real water crisis is how the government of California is wasting the water. This is just one more reason why I can’t listen to the state of California’s government telling me to conserve water, while they are being so wasteful. I just can’t take the California drought seriously.

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Lone Ranger & Tonto

Dave

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look Towards sky, what you see?”

“The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars.”

“What that tell you?” asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, “Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter Past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorological, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What’s it tell you, Tonto?”

“You dumber than an Obama voter. It means someone stole the tent.”

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Presidents Day

Dave

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,What day is tomorrow?”

Without skipping a beat she said, “It’s Presidents Day!” .

She’s smart, so I asked her “What does Presidents Day mean?”

I was waiting for something about Barack Obama, George W. Bush or Bill Clinton, etc. She replied, “Presidents Day is when the
President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have 4 more years of bull shit.”

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

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A Political Paws: Pelosi, Reid, and the Unlikely Texas Tale

Dave

Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, “Harry, I have a plan to win back the hearts of voters in Middle America in 2014!”

“Great Nancy, but how?” asked Harry.

“We’ll get some cheap, tacky clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the animal shelter and pick up a Labrador retriever. Then, we’ll go to a nice old roadhouse in Texas and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working middle-class people living there.”

So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Odessa, Texas. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.

The Bartender took a step back and said, “Hey! Aren’t you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?”

“Yes we are!” said Nancy, “And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color.”

They ordered a round of Lone Star beer for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.

For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog’s tail, and left shaking their heads.

Finally, Nancy asked, “Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog’s tail? Is it some sort of custom?”

“Oh, hell no,” said the bartender. “Somebody’s running around town tellin’ folks there’s a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!”

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New Chevy

Dave

I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new “feel” before they become extinct.

The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama “change” lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its “wonderful “options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.

Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership to retrieve my old pickup. Damn guy had no sense of humor.

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Amazing Discovery

Dave

Scientists at CERN in Geneva have announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science..

Heaviest_Element

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced.

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