Category: Humor
Sympathetic Husband
This guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. There are two sheriff’s deputies there; he asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife. The guy says “sure” and shows …
Sexual Harassment?
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can’t stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a …
Hotel Charges
An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high. “I agree it’s a nice hotel, but …
Observations
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit’s. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it’s OK. Everyone knows me there. I don’t do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really …
Why Some Men have Dogs and Not Wives
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog’s parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your …
Blonde Men
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?” He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do…it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.” ———————————— A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND.” He spends …
Getting into Heaven
An Angel visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into Heaven. The woman said she would try her best. The Angel visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on. “Not bad” said the woman, “I’ve given up …
Being a Great Dad
A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancée to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man. “I am a Torah …
The Italian Funeral
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a …
Donald J. Trump Works out a Trade Deal with Kim Jong-Un
Donald J. Trump has worked out a new trade deal with Kim Jong-Un that has many Democrats and liberals steaming mad. I wonder if this will be new topic for Hollywood to bash the President of the United States at the 90th Oscars today.
Smart-ass Answers of 2017
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. ‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. ‘What are my choices?’ John asked. ‘Yes or no,’ she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she …
New Store
Two businessmen in a new shopping mall were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop… As yet, the shop wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what …
Little Johnny Famous Quotes
A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins. Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?” Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.” “That’s right, Susie, you can go home.” Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?” Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary …
Meanwhile in Minnesota…
It’s been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this; 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest. 8:20 The gay couple …
Bank Calendar
You know you are getting old when your bank sends you their calendar one month at a time.
Washington D.C. Ticket Agent
Please say some stupid things and a Washington D.C. Ticket Agent shares some of the things they have heard. 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!) 2. I got a call from …