Latest Articles
Questions to Ponder
Can you cry under water?
_____
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
_____
Why do you have to “put your two cents in”…. but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
_____
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
_____
Why does a round pizza come in a square box ?
_____
What disease did cured ham actually have?
_____
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
_____
Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby ” when babies wake up like every two hours?
_____
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
_____
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
_____
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
_____
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway..
_____
Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
_____
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
_____
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
_____
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
_____
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
_____
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
_____
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
_____
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
_____
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
_____
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
_____
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
_____
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?
_____
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Related Posts
SlamFest
I got a ticket to go to the SlamFest that is being held on Camp Zama, Japan. This is like the Japanese WWE wrestling. It was a cool event that was put on for the United States and Japanese military and their families. It was a lot of fun and had some (quite literally) big stars. After the event they were signing autographs and shaking hands. It was definitely a really cool event and here are my photos of this experience.
Related Posts
Best Toast
John Murphy hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!”
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.”
She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?” John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”
“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
Related Posts
Metallica Concert at the Saitama Super Arena, Japan
Took a 90 minute train ride to go to the Saitama Super Arena in Saitama, Japan to watch a Metallica concert. This concert was awesome, however getting tickets for the event wasn’t exactly easy. Here is a part of my experience.
Related Posts
Beware of Bears Near Fort Steele, Canada
Got a Pencil?
Denny’s Pub in Germany
Technical Support
This is India. It’s where you call when you have a technical problem with your computer.
Related Posts
How to Get Permission to Play Golf
During the 4th hole the following conversations took place:
First Guy :
You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend… I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.
Second Guy :
That’s nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.
Third Guy :
Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her. They continue to play the hole when they realised that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him : ‘You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?’
Fourth guy :
I just set my alarm for 5 am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on her ass and said: ‘Golf course or intercourse? ‘ She said: ‘ make sure you wear sun-block.”
Related Posts
Ask Dad
“Mom? I’ve got a questions. The guys at school are using words I don’t understand.”
“What words, dear?”
“Pussy and Bitch.”
Mon inhaled sharply, buth then said: “Oh, that’s easy. A pussy is a cat, like our litle Fluffy. A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy.”
He then found his Dad out in the garage.
“Dad, the guys at school are using words I don’t understand.”
“What words, son?”
“Pussy and bitch. I asked Mom, but I don’t think she told me the right meanings.”
Dad said: “Son, never ask your mother about these things, as me instead. Let me explain it like this.”
He pulled a Playboy from his workbench, turned to the centerfold, drew a circle around the pubic area and said: “Son, everything inside the circle is pussy.”
“Okay, Dad. Then what’s a bitch?”
Dad replied: “Everything outside the circle.”
Related Posts
For Those Who Don’t Like Heights
Formerly — the Sears Tower
Not content with having the tallest building in America , the owners of Willis Tower in Chicago have installed four glass box viewing platforms which stick out of the building 103 floors up.
The balconies are suspended 1,353 feet in the air and jut out four feet from the building’s Skydeck. They are 4x10x10, made of solid glass, floor included…
Visitors get their first view from The Ledge — four glass balconies suspended from the Tower.
Designers say the platforms – collectively dubbed The Ledge – have been purposely created to make visitors feel as they are floating above the city. The reward is unobstructed views of Chicago from the building’s west side and a heart-stopping (well, duh!) vista of the street and Chicago River below – for those brave enough to look straight down. It’s like walking on ice.
John Huston, one of the owners of the Willis Tower, even admitted to getting ‘a little queasy’ when he ventured out on to the balcony. However, after 30 or 40 trips, he seems to have gotten used to it.
Long way up: Even the floor of the platforms are glass – few are brave enough to look straight down. Although some adults felt dizzy after experiencing The Ledge, children seemed to take it in their stride.
Fearless: Five-year-old Anna Kane spreads out on the floor of the 10ft square box which is 1,353 ft up.
Thrill seekers: The boxes jut out four feet from the building and were specifically designed to attract visitors. The Willis Tower has always been about superlatives – tallest, largest, most iconic.
The Ledge is the world’s most awesome view, the world’s most precipitous view, the view with the most wow in the world. The balconies are 10ft high and 10ft wide, can hold five tons, and have glass which is 1.5 inch thick.
Inspiration came from the hundreds of forehead prints visitors left behind on The Skydeck windows every week. Now, staff have a new glass surface to clean: floors!
Architect Ross Wimer said: ‘We did studies that showed a 4′ X 4′ deep enclosure makes you feel like you’re detached from the building particularly since there’s only room for one row of people.’
The Ledge is accessible from The Skydeck which attracts 25,000 visitors on clear days. They each pay $15 to take an elevator ride up to the 103rd floor of the 110-story office building that opened in 1973.
After seeing this I think I will sit in my sturdy, favorite chair.
Related Posts
Senior Citizens Stylish Clothes
Banana Split
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’
Related Posts
An 82 Year-old Man
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’
Related Posts
Three Old Guys
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’
Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’
Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’
Related Posts
A Senior Citizen
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Yep!’
‘Do I know her?’
‘Nope!’
‘This woman, is she good looking?’
‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
‘Because she can still drive!’
Related Posts
Couple in Their Nineties
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.
‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’
‘Sure..’
‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.
‘No, I can remember it.’
‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?’
He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’
‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.
Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
‘Where’s my toast?’
Related Posts
Hospital Regulations
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’
Related Posts
Nippon Maru Maritime Training Ship
Took the train over to the Sakura-gicho train station in Yokohama today to wander around and see what sights were to be seen. While there I boarded the Nippon Maru maritime training ship that is permanently docked in Yokohama and now used as a museum.