November 2014 – The Kumachan

Photos of Countryside Between Phoenix, Arizona and Temecula, California

Dave 2014-11-30

Today I drove down I-10 from Phoenix, Arizona to Temecula, California. Here are photos I took of the countryside along the way. As you can see for yourself that there is a whole lot of nothing. It wasn’t until I turned off at Palm Springs where I started driving up the mountains. Other than that, it was one of the most boring drives I have ever been on.

Golf Lessons

Dave 2014-11-29

A foursome of guys are waiting at the men’s tee while a foursome of women are hitting from the ladies’ tee. The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet. She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, “I guess all those f……… lessons I took over the winter aren’t helping”.

One of the men immediately responds: “Well, there you have it…You should have taken golf lessons instead!”

Maxine on the Economy

Dave 2014-11-27

Marriage (written by kids)

Dave 2014-11-25

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
— Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
— Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then..
— Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
— Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids.
— Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
— Lynnette, age 8

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
— Martin, age 10

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

-When they’re rich.
— Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
— Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
— Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
— Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
— Kelvin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
— Ricky, age 10

Irate Airline Passenger

Dave 2014-11-23

A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled.

A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said:-“I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”

The agent replied: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first; and then I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

The passenger was unimpressed.

He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear: “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention, please?”, she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

“We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14.”

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said: “F*** You!”

Without flinching, she smiled and said: “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to get in line for that, too.”

Birds of Paradise Flowers

Dave 2014-11-22

Here is a collection of photos I took of birds of paradise flowers, while in San Diego, California.

Two Irish Moose Hunters

Dave 2014-11-21

Paddy and Mick arrived in Quebec for a moose hunting trip and hired a private pilot to fly them deep into the Canadian wilderness. After many mishaps and adventures, by the end of the trip they had managed to bag a moose each. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said he could only take the hunters, their gear and one moose, due to load constraints. The hunters objected saying, “Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both…and he had exactly the same plane as yours.”

Not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, their pilot reluctantly gave in and everything was loaded. However, even under full power the little plane couldn’t climb above the tree tops and went down in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, “Any idea where we are?”

Mick replied, “I’m pretty sure we’re close to where we crashed last year.”

Stay!

Dave 2014-11-19

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,”Now you stay. Do you hear me?”

“Stay! Stay!”

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said, “Why don’t you just put it in ‘Park’?”